I got shot. Again. This time, though, it was different. This time, I died. I remember looking at Alexis and telling her of my love for Carly. But that's not whose face I saw. I do love Carly, but not enough to die seeing her face. I didn't see Alexis, Lily, or even my mother. Her face had come to haunt me again. No matter how many times I tried to let her go, she was there. I saw her face. Smiling at me with that gorgeous smile. God, I just want to take her face in my hands and kiss her until I can't breathe.
Suddenly, I am hearing laughter. I slowly open my eyes and look around. I'm in a tunnel. I see a light at the end and I hear another laugh. I smiled remembering the sound of that laugh.
That is all he says to me. I have missed him 1000 times over and all he can say is you're early. That's what I love about him. I've missed him.
S: Stone, my man…
St: I'm sorry if I can't say it's good to see you. You don't belong here.
S: It's time. So am I in heaven or what?
St: You should know you wouldn't go to hell, Sonny.
S: My mom here? Lily?
Stone nodded at him knowing the next name to come out of his mouth. He was surprised when it didn't.
St: You gotta go back, Sonny. You can't stay.
S: Why? What is so important down there that I need to be there? Nothing.
Suddenly, another laugh fills the air. It's her. Flashes of her face come before my eyes and I can't stop the tears that are flowing from them. I need to feel her. I need to see her. I see the light and I turn toward it and run. I hear the laugh again, and then it stops as Stone grabs at my shoulder.
St: Sonny, you know.
I know. What the hell do I know? I hate it when people talk in circles. Just tell me what the hell you mean. But I can't seem to speak the words. I feel something pulling in my gut. My soul knows what it is, but my head can't seem to grasp it.
S: Where is Brenda, Stone?
He stares at me and I see pain in his eyes at my question.
St: You know where she is, Sonny. You've always known. You are just too damn stubborn to admit it.
I look into his eyes and I still feel tears flowing down my cheeks. I know where Brenda is. I've always known. Stone is right I am too damn stubborn. I can feel her. I have felt her since she "died" and I shrugged it off as if it was nothing. How could I think that she was dead?
S: Oh, God, Stone, I have been waiting to see her and now that I'm here…
I stop realizing that I am getting nowhere by crying. I see Stone. He's got a goofy grin on his face.
St: I told you, you're early. Get out of here.
S: It's still…
Stone puts his arm around me and walks me towards the opposite direction. He stops at the end and hugs me, then smiles again.
St: You're gonna get back with her, you know.
A statement that was true when he told me before and hopefully it will be true once again. Brenda is alive in the world and now I know it. I just need to find her.
I woke up in the hospital. I remember seeing Carly by my side, smiling at me, and whispering my name. I feel confused and tired. I just want to be alone.
C: Hey, you're awake.
S: What's going on?
C: You're in the hospital. You were shot, Sonny. I'm going to get the doctor.
I couldn't stop her and I don't know if I wanted to stop her. I wanted to be alone. There is something going on in my head and I can't remember what it is. I remember seeing and talking to Stone, but what about is lost in my own darkness. It's something important. I feel a pull in my gut. Carly comes back into the room with a doctor by her side. He checks me out and gives me instructions. I lay in the bed lost in my own thoughts trying hard to remember the dream I had.
S: Go home, Carly. Get some rest.
C: Sonny, you just woke up.
Carly nodded and spoke quietly.
C: Ok, but Sonny…
C: I love you, ok?
Words that I once wanted to hear, but why wasn't my heart jumping for joy.
S: I love you, too, Carly.
She smiled at my words. I told her what I had told Alexis to tell her. I finally told her I loved her. She leaned down and kissed my forehead walking away from me quietly. We had gone through so much together and I was in love with her, then I got shot. Something happened to me. I have never spoken those words to anyone and not meant it. I just lied to Carly. Lily had loved me even though I never loved her and she knew that. She knew I loved Brenda. That I always will love Brenda. God, Brenda…I miss you.
I feel myself pulled up quickly from my slumber and the only thing I can do is yell his name.
No other words can come out of my mouth until I feel his strong arms around me. For a split second, it's him. The dream was so real. I know better, though. I know it isn't him before he can open his mouth. This is my replacement for him. He keeps me safe and away from the ones I love because I am sick. And now, I am paying for it with nightmares about Sonny. Something is wrong with him; I am feeling it deep in my gut. We are connected that way. I feel like I need to get to him, to save him. I can't save him. I had to stop saving him when he left me. I was the one that needed saving and he wasn't there for me. Why should I save him now? He left so that Jax could save me again. I turn at Luis' soothing voice that is anything but soothing and look at him. Thanks for nothing, Candyboy. I felt him pull me back down to lay next to him. He caressed my hair with his hands. I hate when he does that. All I can do now is try to go back to sleep, even though I can feel Sonny's heart pulling me to him. How do I not answer his call?
How do you get a woman who is dead out of your heart? I thought I had done that, but now it all came rushing back to me. For some reason, I can smell her. I can feel her touch on my skin. I can hear her voice. I hear Stone telling me that I'm going to get back with her. Stone…Brenda…Brenda…Stone…Something is coming to me. Closing my eyes, I picture the scene. I hear his voice again, one last time.
St: You know where she is, Sonny. You've always known. You are just too damn stubborn to admit it.
She is in me. I can go deep within my soul and I find her there. As the realization hits me, I am disgusted with myself that I couldn't remember something this important. Stone's right, I am too damn stubborn. I can feel her. God, if I open up my soul and let the connection that I've had cut off flow through me, I feel her. I feel her needing me. I feel her wanting me. I just want to scream and run until I hear her answer me, but she won't. All she can do is pull me in. I have my eyes closed as I whisper to myself so that I can truly believe what I am feeling.
I hear the gasp and the sound of the door closing and when I open my eyes again, Carly is standing in front of me with a shocked look on her face.
C: I didn't think I'd ever hear you say that name. You and Jax both need to be put in an institution over that girl. She's dead, Sonny. I thought you let it go.
S: She is none of your concern, Carly, so drop it and don't ever say a word about her again, got it?
C: How do you know that she is alive?
S: She just is. I know.
She already knows that I'm going to go off to find Brenda. She knows that I would leave her in a heartbeat if Brenda were here. She knows along with every woman that has come near me that no one compares to Brenda. There isn't a person alive that knows who I am that doesn't know Brenda is my weakness and my soul. She is in trouble and I will save her.
He thinks I'm dead. I'm praying that he is not. I am trying not to think about the pull that is tugging at me right now. I am trying to concentrate on something else, but I can't. I have to see him, just one more time. I promised myself I wouldn't look at the picture anymore, but I have to. I have to look into his eyes. They will tell me if he is in trouble. I can see it from a picture. I can feel his pain through his eyes. I wait until I am sure Luis is out of sight. The picture would be a huge fight if he finds that I have it. I keep it stored in my jewelry box, so it goes with me wherever I am. Sonny is always with me. I don't need a picture for him to be with me, but I do need it on this very occasion when something may be horribly wrong with him. When I pull the picture out and look into his eyes, what I feared is true. He's hurt. He is hurt bad. I need to get to him. I need to save him.
L: Brenda, I have some news for you on that Corinthos man you are so fond of.
He says his name like it is a curse, but when I hear the name, my heart jumps. I try not to show it, because maybe he will let me see him, even though I made him promise he wouldn't.
L: He's been shot. It seems bad. He's been in a coma for days. So there is the source of your nightmares, let them go. He's going to die.
B: He is still alive.
It's a statement to me, but a question to him.
A flash flickers in his eyes and I know he is going to do something.
B: Please, Luis, don't hurt Sonny. I don't want to go back. I am where I want to be. Just leave him be.
He looks at me, he knows I am lying, and I know he is lying when he says it while kissing my forehead.
L: Of course.
Carly has left the room and I see a figure quietly sneak in. There is no one else I expect to see me in this condition and I am surprised with the figure turns out to be Jason.
J: How you feeling?
S: Been better, you?
J: I'm good.
S: Are you back?
J: If you'll have me.
I nod at him. Of course I'll have him. He is the best employee I have ever had and my best friend.
J: You need me to check on anything for you while you are in here?
S: One thing.
J: You got it.
S: Brenda is alive. Find her. Don't stop until you do.
I never thought I would see Jason show so many emotions at once. Or any emotions at all for that matter. It went from shock to surprise to ready to commit me all in seconds. I laugh at him and he is puzzled.
S: Just trust me, Jase. She is alive, I can feel her. I need to find her.
J: And Carly?
S: I don't know.
Jason nods at me. He won't ask questions. Something like that doesn't surprise him. He knows if Brenda is even remotely in the picture that there is no room for anyone but her.
J: Any leads? Anywhere to start?
S: Nothing. Jax left a while ago on a search for her. I didn't want to believe it when he said he saw her. She is calling to me, Jason. She wants me to find her.
J: Then we will.
S: Thanks, man.
Jason nods and leaves me alone in the room to start his mission. I haven't seen him in months. I've missed him, but we don't need a big reunion. He knows that Brenda will always come first.
I am heading to the deck of the yacht. I needed some fresh air. We've been traveling at sea for days and Luis has kept me locked in our room. Finally, he had my nurse let me out. I don't know why he has done this. He is in constant fear I will jump overboard and swim to Port Charles, even though it is impossible. When I arrive on deck, I can smell the fresh salt air. It is freezing outside. It almost feels like Port Charles in the winter. I walk towards the front of the boat and I see a small city in the distance. It looks homely and comfortable. I think of Port Charles and the man that I love being kept at General Hospital fighting for his life. Luis will not tell my anymore on his condition so I know from that for sure, Sonny is alive. Luis would enjoy telling me of Sonny's death if it were true. I don't need him to tell me. I feel him. I feel him calling me. He must feel me calling to him. Who am I kidding? To him, I am dead. He thinks I am dead and has moved on with his life. He has married another woman. He never could marry me. I try to convince myself of this. I try to convince myself that this pull that I am feeling is just my own heart playing tricks on me. I want Sonny to find me so bad, but I don't want to hurt him. I'm sick, so sick. My soul is telling me that it isn't my heart playing tricks. His soul is calling to mine. He has finally let himself believe that I am alive. It won't be long before all hell breaks loose.
I was trying to rest. Rest as little as possible in the hospital with this nagging feeling that I needed to get out of this bed and find Brenda immediately. Something is wrong with her. She is in too much pain right now and I need to stop it.
J: We have trouble.
S: What is it?
J: There is a yacht, out on the harbor, it's been circling for a while.
S: Who does it belong to?
J: I'm still working on that. It's a threat though. They sent word that they have something that you want.
S: Have Benny or Johnny find out more. I want you on Brenda.
J: Sonny, are you sure you want me to concentrate on that right now with a threat of…
S: Brenda, Jason. I only trust you. Find her.
Finally he left. I need to be alone. I need to go to a place I haven't gone in almost 4 years. I need to go within myself and find Brenda. If I can connect to her, I can find her. I can find her anywhere. My mind is wandering back to this mysterious yacht and as much as I am trying to stop it and concentrate on her, I can't. So, I will think in hopes of completing the process and moving back to her.
He has something I want. He is an arrogant fool to think there is anything that I want. There is only one thing in the world that I want right now and that is Brenda, in my arms, alive.
L: Brenda, come below, you'll freeze out here.
B: I'm enjoying the fresh air, Luis. Just a few minutes.
L: Dinner is being served.
B: Luis, please, I will be down in a few minutes.
If you are going to lock me in the room for another week and a half, I might as well take my time. It's so hard to smile at him when I know what he is going to do me next. I turned away from him quickly and looked out at the small city coming before me. If I didn't know any better, I would say that building is the Port Charles Hotel. Is that GH? I'm trying to squint so that I can see the city better. It is. The docks. They are not that far from us that I can even see people. I can feel a tear slowly rolling down my cheek. Home. I'm almost home.
L: You will never see this town again, and if you do, it will be to watch your lover's funeral from afar.
More tears are falling and I can't seem to stop them as he grabs me and carries me below deck. He throws me in my room and locks the door. I don't bother kicking, screaming, or fighting at all. I just let him, out of shock more than anything. I have to find a way out of here. I have to save Sonny.
I have made it through another day of sitting in the hospital. It is so hard to just sit when she is calling out to me. Jason hasn't found anything yet and the yacht hasn't made any moves. I have nothing to do but sit here and feel her. Carly has come to visit me. I am pulling away from her and she knows it. She is trying because she loves me, but unfortunately, I can never love her. At least, not the way she wants me to. She thinks that she can fill my heart where it had been empty from the second I left Brenda. She thinks she will be able to make my soul whole again. I know she can't. Only one person can. I feel a tear slowly fall and I hurry to wipe it as Jason is walking through the door.
J: The yacht. It's making a move.
S: Do you know who it is?
J: A man by the name of Luis Alcazar. He is based in South America. He does drugs, arms, and all that stuff.
S: What does he have that I want?
J: I went to the yacht. I searched it, checked around. The only think suspicious was there was a woman there. She was locked in a room and when I broke in, she was gone. Either she was hiding from me, or he was hiding her from me. I think this woman has something to do with you. I think she is the key.
S: Then you need to get to her. Anything on Brenda?
J: I am also following a lead we got on her. It seems your feeling is right. She has been spotted in the past 2 years, alive and well.
I had fallen asleep. I didn't mean to. I'll assume I was drugged again. As I am waking up, I hear Luis yelling. He is saying something about Sonny. I try to hurry to the door to listen.
L: I want him dead. Morgan, too.
That is all I need to hear. I feel myself starting to panic. Luis isn't taking it slow anymore. I never seriously thought he would hurt Sonny. I thought he knew where I wanted to be was here. I needed him to keep me away so that I don't hurt the ones I love. I don't care if I hurt him, I don't love him. There is no room left in my heart for anyone, even a man who saved my life. If he goes after Sonny, I will have hurt him in the worst way possible. I hear a noise. The doorknob is moving. Not as if it is being easily unlocked with a key, but someone is trying to break in. I need to hide. No one can see me. I run quickly into the adjoining room and quietly close the door. I hear the other door open and footsteps walk slowly.
J: Hello? Is anyone in here? I am here to help you.
I can't stop myself when I whisper it.
S: Follow any lead you have on Brenda and I want updates every hour. Put as many people on it as possible with this other thing going down.
J: I'm on it.
S: About this woman on the yacht, did you catch any glimpse at all of her?
J: No. When I got in the room, she was gone and I tried to coax her out of wherever she was hiding, but she wouldn't come. Then, I had to get out of there.
S: I want you to go back and get the woman, whoever she is. I'll be out of here tomorrow. Have her at a safe house by the time I'm out of here.
He nodded at me and left the room. He never argued, just took the orders and got the job done. I trust him to know that the woman would be talking to me tomorrow. After a small nap, I decide I need to walk. Clear my head a bit. I get up and start to walk towards the window that overlooks the harbor. I can see the yacht floating out far enough away from land to not be threatened, but in enough to be aware. I see a light flash on the yacht and wonder if that is Jason. He moves fast. All of a sudden, I look at the flash again and it explodes. The yacht just exploded. Suddenly, I am yelling. I don't know what I am yelling, but I am yelling something. When I hear what I am yelling, it occurs to me what that yacht was here for and what he has that I want. I continue to yell it, until a nurse comes up and grabs me.
It went over and over again in my head that I should have shown myself to Jason when he first showed up. Then, I wouldn't be in this situation. I would probably be with Jason, getting scrutinized, and then he would take me to Sonny. I should've let him take me. All I've wanted was to be in Sonny's arms again and when the chance came, I failed to take it. Why? Because I'm sick, that's why. I need to find a way to warn Sonny without showing myself to him. He can't know. I can't hurt him. I am worn out right now. I am swimming as fast as I can without being noticed. The yacht is gone. Everything is gone. My jewelry, my clothes, hell, maybe even Luis. No, he is invisible. I feel sure if he gets to Sonny first, Sonny will die because I blew up the yacht to get away. I finally reach the docks and slowly pull myself out of the freezing water. The only things I have are the clothes underneath my wetsuit and my picture of Sonny. That is all I need.
I hear footsteps as I am trying to catch my breath and I hurry to hide where I can't be seen. It's Jason, alone. He is also in a wetsuit and soaked. Dammit, he was on the yacht!! I hear another set of footsteps and these are hurried. I look up and see who it is. My eyes start to tear just at the sight of him. They have craved for so long to see him face to face.
As I was pulled by my own guards away from the window, I felt tears fall down my cheek. My own fears were getting in the way of reality. I knew she didn't die in the explosion. My girl isn't gonna give up that easily. I hurried and ran back to my room and dressed. I was breaking out and I needed to find her. She had to be in some sort of trouble. I hurried out of the hospital so I wouldn't be caught and went straight to the docks hoping that is where she would go. She always went there. Unfortunately, all I saw was Jason, soaking wet.
S: What the hell happened?
J: I don't know. I got on the boat, I was getting ready to go find the girl and it just blew. Luckily, I was on the right side of it and was able to jump off.
S: Brenda was on that boat.
S: Alcazar said that he has something I want. Jason, there is only one thing…
He nodded at me. He understood now.
S: She has to be near. Get out a search party. If she was on that boat, she could be hurt or freezing.
J: Or dead, Sonny.
S: No, she's not dead. Find her
He knows. He knew it was me on that yacht. How did he know? I stare at him; in complete awe of something that I know is true. He felt me. He knew I was calling to him. He knew that I needed him. I just want to show myself, jump into his arms and never let him go, but I can't. I have to save him and leave him. I watch Jason walk away and I see Sonny staring out where the yacht used to be. He stands there for what seems like minutes, but in actuality, is hours. I am starting to get cold, but I don't care. I watch him go into himself to find me there. I feel him calling me with his heart and I am holding myself back. I am starting to hope he leaves before I give in and jump into his arms. He knows that I am near him. He doesn't want to leave in fear he will miss me.
When he finally turns and starts to walk, he only goes to the bench. Our bench. We spent so much time on these docks. This is where we met, broke up, got back together, kissed, and yearned. He feels close to me here. I don't know if I can hold back any longer when I see him wipe a tear from his eyes. Then, I see Luis walking towards him. He doesn't notice Luis and I don't know what to do. I can't scream, they will know it's me. It would cause more trouble than it's worth.
I watch Luis slowly approach Sonny. I see the gun in his hand and I'm scared. My heart is crying to him. Sonny, please, turn around. Sonny!!
I feel her near me. I feel like she is within feet of me, watching me, and loving me. I stand on the docks for a long time, and then I move to the bench. I feel so close to her here. We went through so much on these docks. This is where I first touched her and felt that spark. The spark that makes me alive. I am trying to hold back tears and I hear something in me telling me to turn around. Something is wrong. She is scared for me. I jump up quickly and go to pull my gun. I turn and see a man standing in front of me.
L: We finally meet.
S: Where is Brenda?
He almost looked startled that I knew she was alive. I'm sure she didn't tell him of our connection.
L: Actually Corinthos, I am here looking for you to ask you the same thing.
S: What did you do to her?
L: Nothing that she didn't ask for.
S: I swear, if you hurt her in any way…
L: You will do nothing, because you will be dead. As long as you are alive, she will never be completely mine.
S: Even if I'm dead, she won't be yours. She was always mine.
Alcazar stared at me. I knew then that he was going to kill me. I didn't have a gun.
L: She wasn't yours when she was in my bed these past 2 years.
S: She was always mine.
I needed to repeat myself to try to keep control.
L: Not when she was screaming for me.
I couldn't take it. I lunged at him, pushed him to the ground, and put my hand around his throat. The gun flew out of his hand when I grabbed him. I lost track of it. I didn't care where it was; I could kill him with my bare hands. For so many things, even though I've only known him for minutes.
S: No one, and I mean no one talks about Brenda like that. You got me?
All he did was stare at me while I choked him.
S: I didn't hear you. If I ever hear you talk, touch, or even think about Brenda, I will hunt you down and kill you. You got it?
I saw him jump and stare at Luis. There they were, face to face. And I was hiding like a coward. I can't hear everything because they are starting off to a whisper, but by the time they are done, Sonny has him on the ground and is screaming at him. He is protecting me. He is still protecting me. I feel new tears forming in my eyes and I don't know what to do. I see Luis' gun sitting close to me on the ground. I quickly grab it and hold it tightly to my fast beating heart. Now or never.
I hear Luis start to speak.
L: Brenda will never be yours again. She will belong to me, Corinthos.
I see Sonny pull his hand back and punch Luis. The tears are falling quickly and I lose my nerve. He stands up once Luis is unconscious. He never did have any control when it came to me. He turns to where I am hiding and stares. I see him staring right through the wall and into me. Does he know I'm here? Should I show him that I am here? I hear him say my name. He whispers it and it is the most wonderful sound I have heard in years.
I hear a noise and Sonny turns around. Jason is back. He turned back around to look at me then, turned to Jason.
S: Take care of this for me.
I watched Jason nod at Sonny. Sonny turned to look towards me again, then walked away. After a few moments of watching Jason do something I really didn't need to see, I walked slowly out of my hiding spot.
I am losing my mind. I could've sworn she was there. She didn't come out to me. If she were there, she would've come to me. Is she afraid of me? Doesn't she want to be near me? As I am walking to the penthouse, I am thinking so many different things. I don't know what is going on. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how the hell I am going to bring Brenda home to me now. She will go somewhere familiar and comfortable. She'll probably go to Jax, not knowing he is gone looking for her. Star crossed lovers, Brenda and Jax. I break down in front of the door to the penthouse and cry. I can't go in there, because I know that Carly is in there. I can't face her when my heart is calling for Brenda.
I feel a vibrating in my coat. It's my phone. I may not have my gun when I need it, but I've got my phone. I look and it's Jason.
J: You need to come back to the docks.
I hang up the phone, get up, and walk towards the elevator. As the doors are closing, I see the door to the penthouse open and Carly stares at me. I try to hide the tears in my eyes, but I know she sees them. She knows they aren't for her.
He looks up from Luis who is still unconscious on the ground and stares straight at me. He doesn't look surprised to see me. He doesn't even flinch.
J: Sonny is looking for you.
Right to the point.
B: Yeah, I know.
J: I'll call him.
I watch Jason tell Sonny to come back to the docks. He hangs up and looks at me.
B: Don't kill Luis.
J: It's not your call, Brenda.
B: I swear, if you are going to kill him, I will take him and leave, Jason. Don't do it.
J: Why are you protecting this guy, Brenda?
B: I'm not kidding. I will leave.
I have no choice. Luis saved my life. Now, I'm saving his. I don't know why considering he was just going to kill Sonny. I'm willing to forget that and look at the many, many things he did for me. He's given me everything I could want. Now, I will give him his life.
J: You take this up with Sonny.
B: I'm telling you, Jason. If you are going to kill him, I am leaving right now. I will not see Sonny or even speak to him. As far as I am concerned, you kill Luis and I'm still dead to Sonny.
I know he won't kill him after that. After watching Sonny attack Luis, I know he will not let me go. I watched Jason dial the phone and call Sonny again.
Why am I walking back to the docks? There is a mess to take care of and I'm walking right into it. Is it a trap? No. I feel my phone vibrating again. I don't even look this time.
J: We can't kill Alcazar.
S: Why not?
J: We just can't. I can't explain now. I've gotta get him out of here before he wakes up. I'll take him somewhere, you can have a chat with him.
S: Fine, but I want a report on this. Do I still need to be there?
S: 5 minutes.
I'm almost there, but I can't seem to walk down those steps yet. I'm not ready to see that bastard again. I walk for another moment before I stop to think.
"All this time I thought I left her, but when she said those words I...I realized you know I've been holding onto a lot of things I mean not that there was a possibility that we'd be together, but I was holding on to her and what we were to each other. I mean all this time I thought it was enough that if you know if I saved her life she would be free and I would be free. But I got to tell you something Jason...I'm gonna love her forever. I am gonna die remembering her face."
Did you die seeing mine?
I watched Sonny's guards pick Luis up and take him away. Jason sat down on the bench and I walked to the edge of the water.
B: I'm sick, Jason. That is why I stayed away.
Some things will never change.
B: Will he forgive me?
J: He's had me searching for you the past few days, before there even was a yacht.
B: How's Jax?
B: I don't know. I just hope he's happy. I never could do that. Make him happy, I mean. Not when I was in lo…nevermind.
J: He's out looking for you.
He's what?! I turned and stared at Jason.
J: That's all I know.
I turn back at the water. Once again, I'm going to hurt Jax. I never wanted to hurt him. I heard footsteps approach the docks and I knew he was here. I could feel the presence. I didn't turn around. I couldn't turn around. I couldn't face him. Not just yet. I need just a few more seconds. I needed to catch my breath before the sight of his eyes looking into mine took it away.
I hear the footsteps slowly walking towards me. I can feel my legs trembling, my whole body. I am still in the wetsuit and I'm freezing, but I don't care. I feel him place a jacket around my shoulders. I put my head down into it and I can smell him. God his smell, it's so good. I feel his hands on my arms and he turns me around to face him. I had my eyes closed and my head down. I couldn't look. Not yet.
When I finally got to the docks, Jason was there, nodded and left quickly. Alcazar was gone. I was confused at first, then, I looked up and saw her. I saw a beautiful woman in a wetsuit standing at the edge of the docks, shivering in the cold. It was her. Even the back of her head is enough to make me want to throw her on the ground and make crazy love with her. What do I do? Do I go up to her? Touch her? Hold her? Kiss her? Oh, I just want to kiss her. I know she can feel me standing here. I slowly take off my coat and walk up to her. I place it gently on her shoulders. She is freezing.
I place my hands on her arms and turn her towards me. Her face is to the ground and her eyes are closed. She is beautiful. I see tears starting to poke through her eyelids.
It barely comes out of my mouth. Even though I felt that she was alive for a few days, it still didn't prepare me for this. I take my finger and place it under her chin, lifting her head towards me.
S: Open your eyes, sweetheart.
Oh, God, his touch on my face. I can't stop the tears. I have missed him so. He is telling me to open my eyes and I'm afraid if I do, he will be gone. It will all be a dream. I know it isn't a dream. He is here, with me. My heart is beating so fast I'm afraid I'll have a heart attack. Oh, Sonny. My Sonny is here with me. It's been so long. I slowly open my eyes to look directly into his. I see his tears that are flowing down his cheeks faster than my own. I smile slightly at his face. He is beautiful. I don't know what to do. I then notice that my hand is in the air moving towards his face. I cup my hand on his cheek and he smiles at me. His cheek is wet from the tears and I don't want him to cry anymore for me. I can't take my hand away from him. He grabs it quickly from his cheek and pulls my arm around him as his arms swarm around me and hold me tight. Sonny's strong, safe arms.
I just want to hold her forever. Please, just let me hold her forever. I don't want to be anywhere else but in her arms. I'd marry her tomorrow if she would have me. I bury my face in her hair inhale the familiar scent. Something I thought I would never smell again until a few days ago. I don't think I have ever been this happy. Even before when we were engaged, I don't think I was as happy as this. What is better than this? There is nothing that is better. The only thing that would be better is to have her forever. To never let her go. To make her mine in name. I pull back a bit because I need to see her eyes. I don't want to let her go, but I have to see her face. I put my hands on her cheeks and kiss her forehead.
S: Brenda, thank God, it's you.
She smiled at me and wiped a tear from my cheek.
I couldn't form real sentences. He was just so amazing. I grabbed him and pulled him into my arms again. I just wanted to hold him. After we held onto each other for another 10 minutes crying, I felt his arms pull away. He looked at me, smiled and lifted me into his arms.
S: You need to get out of this cold. You're freezing.
I nodded at him, still unable to speak. He smiled and carried me off the docks. He placed me in the limo and got in beside me. We sat and stared at each other the whole way to the safe house.
S: If I don't mention it, I'm glad you are here. Actually, I'm lying, I'm not glad.
What??? He sees my panic and chuckles.
S: I've never been so damn happy in my life.
I breathe a sigh of relief as he pulls me back into his safe arms. I don't know what is going to happen now. I know he has questions. I know I'll need to leave. I can't be sick and be with him. I know I want to make love to him one more time.
When we arrive at the safe house, I just want her near me. I get out of the car and hold my hand out to her. She gently takes it and follows me into the house. I have some spare clothes there, so I take her over to the already lit fire and sit her down. I slowly unzip the wetsuit from the back and pull it down her body. She has clothes on underneath, but to be this close to her, its killing me. After I help her take that off, she heads into the bathroom. I watch her intently as she disappears behind the door and I don't know what to do with myself while she is gone.
I grab the wetsuit off the floor and lay it gently in front of the fire to dry. I notice something sticking out of it and I know I shouldn't, but I grab it anyway. As I look at it, all I feel is tremendous love overtaking every inch of my skin. I can't feel anything but that. She loves me. She has carried me with her, next to her heart. When she walks out of the bathroom, showered and refreshed, I am staring at my own picture grinning from ear to ear.
When we got to the safe house, I could barely breathe. My heart was racing and I still couldn't speak to him. He pulled me into the house and gently removed the wetsuit from my body. I tried to hold back the shiver he brought to me with every gentle touch. I was more turned on with him removing my wetsuit and barely touching me than I had been with Luis in all 2 years. When he finished, I went to the bathroom to shower. The only thing going through my head is how much I want him to join me. He won't. He respects me too much. When I walk back out into the living room, I see him staring down at something smiling with those amazing dimples. I walk in and gently touch his shoulder and he looks up at me, still smiling, his eyes glistening with tears. I see what he is staring at and I know what he is feeling. When he looks into my eyes, I see the amount of love that he has for me and all I can do is fall to the floor and cry.
She is crying. Why is she crying again?
S: Brenda…hey, sweetheart? C'mere.
I pull her into my arms and let her cry. I know I hate that she is crying, but I know I love to hold her when she is crying.
S: Bren, hey, stop. Look at me.
I pull her face to look up at mine and let her see the love I feel for her. She wipes the tears from her cheeks and speaks to me, finally. I didn't realize that I haven't heard her voice once since we first saw each other. The sound of it is heaven on earth.
B: I'm so sorry, Sonny. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted. We did so much damage and I just wanted to stay away so I wouldn't hurt you.
S: Baby, shhhh…don't be sorry. There is nothing to be sorry for. I am the one that should be sorry, not you.
B: But I am sorry. I want you to forgive me for leaving. For making you think I was dead.
S: Brenda, I never thought you were dead. I felt you, right in here.
I pull her hand up to my mouth and kiss it, then place it on my heart.
S: I knew you were alive. I forgive you, Brenda.
He said he forgives me. How can he forgive me so easily when I can't even forgive myself? He is staring at me with these eyes that are making me melt. He keeps stroking my hair gently with his fingers and staring into my soul. Oh, how it feels so good to be with him.
B: Just like that, you forgive me?
He smiled at me. He knew I would challenge him and from the looks of it, he is enjoying it.
S: Just like that.
He snapped his fingers.
I knew I shouldn't have asked. I know he is going to tell me something I really want to hear.
S: Because I am so damn happy that you are alive, I don't care why you left or how. I'm just glad you are back. I left you so that you could have a life and when you died, I realized that everything I did was for nothing. I should've just married you and we would've been happy with dozens of kids by now.
B: You regret leaving me?
S: Since the second I made the decision to do it.
Oh, God, why now? Why does he have to do this? Why does he have to make me want him with everything that I am?
B: Why didn't you come back for me?
S: Because you were happy, with Jax. Who, by the way is out looking for you. I'm glad I found you first.
He smiled big. He always knew I was his first choice. He knows I was with Jax because he left me and because Jax made me feel safe.
She didn't even react to me telling her that Candyboy was out looking for her. Good, she doesn't care. He can look for decades and she will be right here, in my arms where she belongs. It's where I belong. All I want to do is kiss her, but I don't want to scare her.
B: Don't you want to know why I left?
I do, but it can wait. There are more important things to talk about right now, or not talk about.
B: Sonny, you can't do this. You can't just pretend that I've always been here and just jump into bed with me. You don't know what has happened to me these past two years.
S: I know enough.
B: No, you don't.
I love it when you fight me baby. You don't want to jump into bed, then why are you doing this? You know it turns me on when you argue with me.
S: Sweetheart, I know you want to tell me what's wrong and why you left. I'm willing to listen. I'm just sayin right now, I want to just be with you. I want to enjoy that you are alive. Is that ok?
I got her on that one. She's going to be putty. I can see her angry expression melting away.
B: Tomorrow then?
I thought he didn't care while I was gone. Then, he said those wonderful things. How could I deny him? When he said he just wants to be with me, it made me want to kiss him until the sun comes up. We are lying in front of the fire, his legs are on either side of me, my head is resting on his shoulder and his arms are tight around me. I know I have to leave, but I know he won't let me. Can I do to him what he did to me?
I pulled out of his arms and turned myself to face him. I needed to see his eyes.
B: Are you ok? I know you got shot.
S: I'm amazing, sweetheart. I forgot all about that bullet. How did you know?
B: I felt it.
I did feel it. From the second he was hit with it, I felt his pain.
S: Shouldn't you have saved me, then?
I know he is joking with me and trying to lighten the mood. I don't care.
B: I did save you, Sonny.
He smiled at me and brushed my hair back from my face.
S: You always do.
How can I not smile at him? How can I not want to kiss him? After a few moments of silence, he got a mischievous look on his face and smiled at me.
S: So, you want to jump into bed with me?
I did it on purpose, not to just fire her up, but to bring up the subject. She couldn't think that I would overlook her comment. I couldn't imagine being with her tonight and not worshipping every inch of her. I've waited so long, I don't know if I could control myself tonight. She looked disgusted with me. Then, she started laughing. Wow, her laugh, another glorious sound. Another thing I thought I would never hear again. She tilted her head at me and smiled.
B: What are you thinking?
She always has to know things I have a hard time telling her, but for some reason, I want to tell her what I'm thinking. I want her to know. I smile at her and I can't stop myself from what I'm about to do. She is still tilting her head at me and she has a small smile on her face. I place my hands up on her face and pull her head towards mine. She starts to look shocked at my gesture, but that changes as soon as our lips touch. The spark that hits me is so intense, I feel as if I may lose control before I ever even get it. Her lips are so sweet. They are so tender and they are where they belong. I slowly pull her closer as I deepen the kiss. I start to probe open her mouth with my tongue and she lets me in with no fight. I don't want to stop. This is the most intense kiss I have ever had in my life. How do I stop?
Don't ever stop. I asked him what he was thinking and he just showed me. He hasn't shown me how he feels in so long. It feels so good. I don't think there has ever been a kiss this good. I don't want him to stop ever. His lips, oh his gorgeous lips. They are heaven right now. But he does stop. I don't want him to and I reach out for more, but he pulls away from me. He smiles at me and rubs his thumb over my lips.
S: I've been dying to do that all night that is what I was thinking about.
I'm so happy it isn't just me. I smile at him and I can feel how swollen my lips are from him. I touch my lips gently and feel it. My lips only burn for him.
S: I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that.
B: Sonny, shh…I wanted you to.
I stroked his cheek as I nodded my head at him.
S: If I wake up tomorrow and I'm dreaming, I swear…
B: It's not a dream, Sonny. It's real. I'm real.
S: Stay forever?
Oh no…I can't stay forever. Why did he have to ask so soon? Why couldn't he let it be?
His eyes were so hopeful. He wanted me forever. He wasn't lying. He wasn't going to leave me standing in the rain ever again. What do I say?
She hasn't answered me. Why didn't she answer me? Doesn't she want to be with my forever? Maybe I'm rushing her.
S: Brenda, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I know you just got back. You probably want your space.
B: No, Sonny, that isn't it.
She reached out for my hand and held it tight. I knew this was big, whatever it was.
B: I was trying to tell you, but you didn't want to hear it. Now, you have to.
S: Brenda, you can tell me anything, you know that.
B: I'm not staying.
S: What the hell do you mean you aren't staying?
B: I can't stay here, Sonny. It's in everyone's best interest if I leave here tomorrow and everyone thinks I am dead.
I'm not letting her leave just like that. There is no way.
B: Sonny, please, if I stay, all I will do is hurt you.
S: If you leave, you will kill me.
What she whispers to me next is like an echo in my head of things I had done to her.
B: No, I'd be saving you.
Now, I sound like him. I'm leaving him to protect him because I love him. Where have I heard that before? How many times has he protected me by throwing me out?
S: No, Brenda, you wouldn't. I thought I was saving you and look…
I watched more tears flow down his cheeks. He wasn't even trying to hold it back.
B: Sonny, oh, Sonny. I am sick. I have a mental illness that my mother had. She was crazy. I'm going to get like that someday. I stayed away because I don't want to hurt the ones I love the way my mother hurt me.
S: You won't hurt anyone. I will be here. Brenda, don't you know I would stay by your side through anything. Don't you know if you leave, that I will spend my life tracking you down?
B: Not if I ask you not to. Sonny, you can't see me like that.
S: When did you find out you had this?
B: When I died…
S: Has anything happened yet?
S: We are going to a doctor. The best there is. We'll figure this out. We will be together; I don't care what the hell happens. Drive me over a cliff; as long as I'm with you sweetheart, it will be heaven on earth.
B: How can you say that?
He doesn't know me like this? He doesn't know what I'll be capable of. I don't even know what I'll be capable of. He smiled at me for a second and wiped a tear from my cheek. He placed his hands on my cheeks and I knew what was coming. I breathed in quickly, but couldn't quite get enough to get me through what he was about to say.
S: I can say that because I love you, Brenda. Always.
I sobbed. There was no stopping it. How do I run from this? How do I run from my soulmate?
Ok, so she's sick. I'll take care of her. I don't want some psychotic arms dealer taking care of her. I love her; I'll take care of her. She is still sobbing in my arms. I told her that I love her. I told her what has been in my heart for 8 years. She has been in my heart.
B: You don't know me anymore.
S: You aren't getting rid of me that easily, Brenda, so don't try it.
Nothing she says will change my mind now. I watch her stare at me for a moment before she stands up and starts pacing.
I grab her hand and pull her down into my lap. She struggles a little, but I've got a firm grip on her.
S: Brenda, stop.
She stops struggling and looks me in the eye. I can tell she is searching for anything but love. She isn't finding it.
S: Baby…never again will I let you walk out of my life. And never again will I walk out of yours. Ok?
She just looks at me, tears falling down her cheeks.
Slowly she nods at me and puts her arms around me. I pull her in close and hold her as close to my body as I can put her. She continues to sob into my shoulder.
S: It's ok, sweetheart. I will always be here to hold you.
I can't leave him. No matter how much I want to spare him from what will happen, I can't leave him. I finally pull myself together and get off his lap.
B: Are you sure, Sonny? I mean, are you sure you want to deal with this? This seems like an abrupt decision.
S: So we take things one day at a time. Just as long as you promise to never leave me for Candyboy, I'm good.
How can I not laugh at that?
B: Like there was ever any competition.
He smiled at me. I knew I shouldn't have said that. His ego just inflated by 20 times.
S: So I was always number on over Jax?
I crawl back over to him and kiss him gently on the lips.
B: Well, Jax IS out looking for me and you never did.
S: Baby, he can look for decades and the only way he'll find you is to find me. And I did look for you.
B: For the past week.
S: Brenda, when you died, I died. I couldn't even speak your name, let alone try to comprehend the feeling I had that you were alive somewhere.
Just thinking about that time in my life was hard. Even with her sitting right in my lap, it brought tears to my eyes. I remember never hurting as much as when I found out about her. I know when Lily died; I at least had her to help me through it. When she died, I had nothing. I had given it all up for nothing.
B: I'm sorry.
She put her head down and started to pull away from me, but I couldn't let her move. I looked up at her and once again she had a tear flowing down her cheek.
B: Sonny…what can I do? Will you ever forgive me for this?
S: I told you I already did.
B: You said that about the wire.
S: What wire?
S: Forgive and forget. Will you ever forgive me for leaving you?
B: They would've killed us.
B: You survived.
S: I couldn't take the chance of you not.
B: I didn't.
S: I know.
We were both whispering to each other, trying to mask the deep pain that we were bringing up. We had been together for hours, but it seemed like only minutes. It was like we were getting it all out in the open once and for all so we could move on.
S: I didn't either.
B: I know.
He was holding me tight in his lap and he stared deep into my eyes. We each saw the pain that the other had put there. When I looked into his eyes, though, and we talked about it all, I watched the pain disappear. We were making each other ok. We were fixing it. Wow.
S: It's gone.
S: The pain in your eyes. The one I put in there. It's gone.
I smiled at him. He could see it when even I couldn't.
B: Yours is gone, too. Can I finally bring you peace?
S: Can I make you feel safe?
Of course he can. Now he can.
B: Promise you won't leave me if I get too crazy.
S: Promise me you won't ever go back to Candyboy and you got a deal.
There's the jealousy that he will never admit he has. I look into his eyes and we whisper it at the same time…never.
He pulled me back into him and kissed me gently. There was one more thing I needed to do. When I pulled away from his kiss, he moved to my neck.
I pulled his face up to look at me.
B: I love you.
To hear the words come out of her mouth again, it drove me wild. I smiled at her and brushed her hair behind her ear, leaning into kiss her. I didn't notice the tear until she wiped it off my cheek. I don't think either of us had ever cried as much as we did tonight and I know we aren't done.
S: You don't know how much I've wanted to hear that for so long.
She nodded at me.
B: Yeah, I do. Since the day you left me.
S: Me, too.
B: It's a shame we missed so much time. Especially when I'm not sure how much I've got left.
S: Where exactly did you find out about this disease?
B: With Luis, after my mom drove me off the cliff, he rescued me. I didn't want to come back unless I knew for sure that I was ok. When I found out I wasn't, well…
S: We are taking you to get tested again.
S: He could've been lying to you, Brenda. He could've paid doctors to lie to you. He was obsessed with you. Believe me, I know. I met him.
B: I know. I was there.
S: I knew you were. You were hiding from me?
B: I didn't want you to know.
I stare at her for a long time. I just want her. She went through all of this to protect the ones she loves. She did no different than I did. Which I guess is why she's my soul mate. We share the same heart. We protect the same way. I want to ask her, but I don't want to scare her.
I sense something going on in his head. What does he want to ask me? He's got something else. I try to feel if it is good or bad, but I can't. I'm too emotional right now. I just have to ask.
B: What is it?
S: Why didn't you come to me? I know you were trying to protect us all, but Brenda, you came to me now.
How am I supposed to explain all of this to him? He won't understand.
S: Please, Bren. Tell me what happened.
I started to explain about my mother and when she came to town. I actually gave him everything from the last time I saw him up until the cliff. He listened intently taking in every word. As I got to the part where the car careened off the cliff, he pulled me closer to him. It was if he was reassuring himself that I was here and ok. He then put his finger to my lips to stop the story and kissed me passionately. When he stopped, he looked at me.
S: Did you know Jax tried to save you?
B: Luis told me.
S: Did you want him to save you?
Ok, she didn't want Jax to save her. What about me?
S: Why not? You were engaged.
B: Well, I didn't have control over who saved me. I was hurt bad, Sonny. It wasn't like I could call Jax up either and tell him to come and get me. Then, Luis told me everyone thought I was dead. So, I decided to have the test done to see if I had my mom's disease, if I did, I would stay dead.
S: Would you have wanted me to save you?
She spoke it so quietly I could barely hear her.
B: When the car went off, I yelled for Jax. He had saved me when I fell for so long, I yelled for him to save me then, but all I could think of was you. You were all I saw. I wanted you to save me, Sonny. I want you to save me now.
I'm gonna love her forever. I am gonna die remembering her face. You died seeing mine.
S: I'm here, sweetheart. You know I will always save you.
I need to kiss her again. I need to feel her skin next to mine. I need to be inside of her. I need you, Brenda. I need to show you how much I love you. How much I have always loved you.
B: Make love to me?
He didn't even answer me he just kissed me. I knew he wanted me. I could tell by the look in his eyes. He picked me up and carried me in the bedroom. He gently sat me on my feet and smiled at me. He pulled me into him and kissed me deeply. I felt his tongue penetrating my mouth and his hands roaming my body. He already had my shirt half unbuttoned when I started to work on his buttons. I couldn't get my hands in there right with his hands in the way so I ripped at the buttons and they came flying off. He stopped kissing me and looked at his ripped shirt. He smiled at me and picked me up to move me onto the bed. As I lay down on the bed and he climbed on top of me, I realized this is where I wanted to be forever. I said I would stay and I planned on it. Soon all of our clothes were gone and there was nothing between us. I finally had his skin up against mine. My legs wrapped around him and it was the perfect fit. No one fit me more perfect than he did. No one fit him better than I did. He stopped kissing me for a moment and stared into my eyes. Then, he entered me slowly. He made love to me and looked me straight in the eyes the whole time, not breaking eye contact once.
S: I love you, Brenda.
With that, we released together. He rolled me on top of him and held me tight.
B: Don't ever let me go.
Finally, we made love throughout the night.
She was still lying in my arms. It's almost noon and I don't care. I don't want to wake her. She is tired. She looks so beautiful when she sleeps. I kiss her forehead gently and she stirs slowly and opens her eyes to look at me.
S: You were awake?
S: Why didn't you let me know?
B: I didn't want to wake up and have you be a dream.
S: I'm as real as it gets, sweetheart.
She smiled and moved up to kiss me.
B: Good morning, Sonny.
S: Do you want breakfast?
B: I want you.
S: Sweetheart, you have me.
She is so beautiful in the morning. She smiled at me and slowly crawled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. I sat there and watched her take my shirt off the floor and pull it over her body. Another thing I missed deeply. No one looked better in my shirts than her. I smiled and walked out of the room to make her something to eat.
When I walked back in the bedroom, he was gone. I smelled something and went out and found food waiting for me at the table, along with him. He smiled big and I couldn't resist. I walked over to him and sat in his lap, placing a passionate kiss on his gorgeous lips.
S: Now there is a good morning that I could get used to.
Me, too. I started to get up to eat my breakfast but he held onto me tight. I turned my face back to his and kissed him.
S: You can't leave me like this.
B: I'm only going right next to you.
Let me eat my food!! I sat down and quickly ate the delicious breakfast he made me. Everything about this was wonderful. He sat and stared at me the whole time I ate.
S: I found a doctor for you.
B: You did?
S: Yeah. He can fit you in today. I also have someone looking into your records from the doctors Alcazar took you to. We'll see if he paid them to lie to you.
B: You won't do anything if he did?
He was silent after that. This is where our problems always ended up. Yes, this was personal, but it was also business. Luis is a dangerous man. I know I am not supposed to ask questions. I know I should just accept it and move on. He knows I can't.
B: Sonny? I don't want you to kill him. If it wasn't for him, I would be dead.
S: If it wasn't for him, you could've been with me!!
B: No I wouldn't! If I thought I didn't have the disease back then, I would've stayed with Jax because you left me.
Low blow. I could see the hurt. He sat down in frustration.
B: Sonny, you were gone!! You had left me, remember? You weren't even in Port Charles. I ached for you the entire time. I hurt for you and I loved you. But Jax was there and pulled me up out of the rubble that you turned me into. If you were in Port Charles, yes, I would have been with you.
S: Let's not talk about this anymore.
I got up and walked into the bedroom slamming the door.
She's angry with me. I'm angry with her. This is our relationship. We love so desperately and we fight with everything we have. I'm not having her angry with me a day after we get back together. I walked over to the shut door and turn the knob. She didn't lock it. I quietly walk into the room. She is sitting on the bed with an angry look on her face.
B: I thought we weren't talking about it.
S: I changed my mind. I'll make you a deal.
B: What is that?
S: I won't do it now. If he hurts you or anyone close to us, then…
B: We'll figure it out if that happens. Thank you, Sonny.
S: Why are you protecting him?
B: Even though he's nuts, he still saved me and gave me a good life. I can't just forget that. It's called compassion.
Ok, she is really angry with me. I know at times like these, it's better to leave her alone. And I normally would, if I had seen her every day for the past 3 years, not thought she was dead. Now, I can't let her out of my sight.
S: Forgive me?
B: Are you saying you are sorry?
I nodded at her. She stared at me.
B: I'm sorry, Sonny. I shouldn't have said that about Jax.
S: Would you have done that?
He doesn't need to ask. He knows. As soon as he showed up in town, I would've been in his arms.
B: Only until you came and fought for me. And make me realize that I belonged with you.
S: Oh, and I would've. I couldn't come back until it was safe for you, you know that, right?
He slowly walked towards the bed and sat down next to me, placing his hand on my leg.
S: When I came back, Jason told me that you…I didn't have anyone to tell me. I didn't know. And now it all makes sense.
B: What do you mean?
S: We are connected, Brenda. I should've felt it when you died. I didn't. I didn't know until I came back here. I always knew you weren't gone and I was too damn stubborn to admit it. Dammit!
B: Sonny, we are here, together now. I love you.
He looked at me and pulled me into his arms.
S: I love you so much. I'm so sorry.
He pulled back and kissed me sweetly. He smiled his gorgeous smile and I pulled him down on me. We always did have the best ways to make up after a fight.
We are sitting in the limo on our way home from the doctor that I found for her. She is staring out the window. I know she is scared. I am scared. I don't want her to have this disease, but I would love her even if she did. I grabbed her hand and held it tight.
S: Are you ok?
She nodded at me, forcing a smile.
She turned her head away. I always knew when she was lying. She knew when I was lying. It was impossible to lie to each other.
B: I'm scared.
S: I know.
I grabbed her and pulled her close to me.
B: When will you hear from Switzerland?
S: As soon as they know. I can try calling them if you want?
She shook her head at me.
B: I can wait. I guess it never dawned on me that he could've been lying to me all this time. I could've…
I grabbed her face and kissed her. She hesitated at first, and then she kissed me back. After I pulled away, I stared into her eyes.
S: No more what ifs. No looking back. It's done. We have our future together. We are living for today, not yesterday.
She smiled and nodded at me. She leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss.
B: Thank you.
S: For what?
B: For making me stay with you, for loving me, for finding this doctor, for believing in me.
S: There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, sweetheart.
She smiled and snuggled against me for the rest of the ride home.
We just walked into the safehouse. I flopped down on the couch exhausted from the past 2 days. I still didn't want to sleep. I wanted to be with him. Every second I wanted to either be in his arms or making love to him. He sat down next to me and I put my head on his shoulder.
B: I don't want to stay in this safehouse forever, Sonny.
S: I'll take you anywhere in the world you want to go.
He'd give his life for me, I know this. I don't want to go anywhere in the world. I want to be somewhere that is home.
B: I want a home.
S: You wouldn't by chance still consider the penthouse home, would you?
The penthouse had been my home. It wasn't for long. It was Lily's home. But it was also Stone's home. Stone. I miss him. I turned and looked at him. Of course I would consider the penthouse home. He loved me when he bought it. He loved me when Lily was with him. He loved me when Stone died there. He loved me after Lily and when I lived there. I know he continued loving me in it these years I've been gone.
B: Of course, Sonny.
S: We do need to stay here a few days. I have some things to take care of.
B: Like your wife?
S: You knew?
B: Of course I did.
S: Why didn't you say anything to me?
B: You don't love her, do you?
It wasn't a question. He knew that it wasn't. I knew. He shook his head sadly at me.
S: I tried.
I don't know where this conversation is headed or if it will do more bad than good.
S: She was pregnant. That is why I married her. She lost the baby, then. We were trying to work it out when I got shot. That's when everything changed.
B: I'm sorry.
S: Don't be. It wasn't meant to be.
She took me in her arms and pulled me to her. Then she whispered to me.
B: It will with us, if you want.
I pulled myself up and looked her in the eyes. I could feel the tears starting to form.
S: I would be honored.
She smiled and nodded at me. Suddenly, my phone rang. We both jumped at the sound of it. I pulled it out and looked at it.
She looked at me with questions on her face. It was the contact in Switzerland. I could tell by her face that she wanted to know.
S: Great, thanks for calling.
I hung up and walked over to her. I sat down, smiled, and grabbed her. She held onto me. I could feel her sobs. Finally, I pulled back and looked at her.
S: Jason wants to kill him.
I'm ok. I'm not dying. I've never had my mother's disease. A man that lied and drugged me held me captive for 2 years. I missed out on 2 years with Sonny. Jason wants to kill him, but I'd rather do it. I want him to suffer the way I suffered.
S: Are you ok, sweetheart?
I nodded at him, tears still flowing from my eyes.
B: I'm so great right now. I guess we just need to wait for this doctor to make sure.
He nodded at me.
S: You are gonna be just fine, Brenda.
B: I think I really am.
He smiled and pulled me into a kiss. Soon, we were on our way to the bedroom for another wonderful lovemaking session. No matter how many times we did this, it got better every time. He is the most amazing man I have ever known. As I lay in his arms, I smiled to myself.
S: Yeah, sweetheart?
B: If you ever leave me standing in the rain again, I swear, you won't know what hit you when I'm done with you.
He laughed at me.
S: You don't have to worry about that.
The next morning, I woke up with her still by my side. As much as I wanted to stay with her in the bed forever, I had to get things taken care of so I could bring her home and marry her. I crawled out of bed and smiled at her. She got up a few minutes after I did and came into the kitchen where once again I was making breakfast. I walked over to her and kissed her.
S: Have I ever told you how completely amazing you look in my shirts?
She giggled against my lips.
I kissed her again, working my hands into the shirt, feeling her smooth skin beneath them.
She tried pulling away from me, but I had to have her. I couldn't stop. I grabbed her and kissed her again. This time, she gave in, letting me explore her mouth. My hands continued to caress her skin. I finally pulled my hands out and undid the buttons to the shirt, pushing it to the floor. She giggled at me and pulled me back into her arms. I have never felt as good in my life as I have the past 2 days. I forgot about the bullet, I forgot about my life. This is my life, right here. In my arms, beneath my skin as we make love on the table. She is my life.
B: You are insatiable.
S: So are you…
She sat up, kissed me, and then jumped off the table. I watched her put the shirt back on.
S: You don't have to put that back on.
B: If I don't, we'll never get anything accomplished today.
S: Did you have plans?
B: I wanted to go see Lila. She deserves to know. Don't you have something you could do?
S: Yeah, I have to start the divorce and talk to Carly.
B: Yeah. Hey, can I ask you a favor?
I don't know why I'm going to ask him this. This could turn into something really bad, but I have to.
B: Can you find Jax for me?
I watched his eyes change from love into jealousy.
B: Not for me to be with, I just don't want him out looking for me for no reason.
He stared at me. I know he was swallowing his pride so he could grant my every wish.
S: Fine. But if he touches you, I swear…
I walked up to him and kissed him.
B: Don't worry, honey. I'm all yours. I just feel bad for him. The guy is wasting time looking for me when he could be…
S: Jealous of me?
How could I not laugh at his arrogance? Why did I encourage it?
B: I think he already is. He knew he was second best.
I know that just made Sonny the happiest man on earth. Seconds later, his lips were on mine. He had me in his arms in seconds and carrying me to the bedroom. My shirt made it off in record time and he never did put his clothes back on. He had to prove his love for me. He had to prove that he was still number one and that he always would be.
A few days later…
I walked into the safehouse expecting to see her waiting for me, but she wasn't there. I grabbed my phone and immediately dialed Johnny.
S: Where the hell are you?
J: She wanted to go shopping.
S: Bring her back. Tell her I have a surprise.
I have to stop being so paranoid. She won't disappear every time I let her out of my sight. She will come back. She always comes back. She always comes back to me. A little while later, she came strolling through the door with numerous bags in hand.
S: Do I have any money left for your surprise?
She came up and gave me a kiss, lingering in my arms for a minute. God, she smells so good.
B: Hi, honey. What's my surprise?
S: Right to the point.
B: You know I hate waiting!!
S: I know. Come here.
I brought her to the couch and handed her an envelope. She opened it slowly and looked at it. She smiled when she saw what it was.
B: She's really divorcing you with no problems?
S: She wants out almost as much as I do.
She jumped into my arms and kissed me.
S: There is more to your surprise…
She squealed and I loved hearing it.
S: I found Jax. He was told that you are alive and that you are here with me. He should be on his way back and I'm sure you'll want to talk to him.
She nodded at me.
Wow, he actually found Jax for me. He really does love me. Divorce and Jax all in one day. He never ceases to amaze me.
S: One more thing to go with your surprises.
B: Sonny, you've done so much for me. I don't need anymore.
S: You need one more thing and after that, then I have free reign to spoil you silly.
I had to smile at him. He loved to spoil me. I love to be spoiled.
S: I promised you that I would never leave you standing in the rain again. I promised you years ago that I would quit the business and we would get married. Well, you know that I like to keep my word. So, I'm quitting the business and we are getting married for real this time…that is if you'll still have me?
Whoa…he's asking me to marry him. What do I do? I was having a hard time speaking. Finally I was able to spit out some words and wipe the tears from my eyes.
B: Are you asking me to…?
He nodded at me.
S: I'd get down on one knee, but I'm afraid it might be bad luck.
B: It won't be.
He chuckled and got down on one knee. I had to make him do it right.
S: Brenda, will you be my wife?
When she said yes and jumped into my arms, I thought my heart would burst with happiness. She would be mine forever. I completely forgot that I didn't give her the ring.
S: Sweetheart, do you want your ring back?
B: I would love my ring back.
She smiled at me as I placed my mother's ring on her finger. It was finally where it belonged. I was finally where I belonged.
S: I promise you, sweetheart, this time it's for real and this time it's forever.
B: I believe you, Sonny.
She leaned in and kissed me. I pulled her into my arms and held her tight.
S: I'm going to make every lost moment up to you. I'm going to make all this pain we've gone through worth it.
B: Sonny, stop.
No. Please tell me she wasn't changing her mind. I stared at her trying not to show my fear. She smiled at me.
B: You don't have to make anything up to me. I'm here. You are here. I'm healthy and I get to marry you. There is nothing more I could want.
Oh, thank God. I sighed relief and pulled her back into my arms.
S: I love you, sweetheart.
B: I know.
After we made love for the millionth time, I lay in his arms with my head resting on his beautiful chest. I feel the slight rise and fall of it and he must be sleeping. I finally wore him out. I nuzzled my head into his neck and kissed gently. I felt him stir.
S: Hey, sweetheart.
B: I can't sleep.
S: Then I'm glad you woke me up.
He sat up a little and kissed my forehead.
S: Why can't you sleep?
B: I'm worried this will all disappear.
S: What can I do to stop your worrying?
B: Nothing. Just love me.
He smiled and pulled me closer to him.
S: Always sweetheart.
I was finally happy. I just hope this lasts forever.
Chapter 40 - Prologue
St: I told you.
S: Yeah, you did. Thank you, Stone.
St: I didn't have to do anything. You did it all on your own. I just gave you a little nudge.
S: You should've given me a kick. I deserve it for what I did to her.
St: Yeah, you did. But you fixed it. That's all that matters. She's your wife now, she loves you and she is the one who will give you a little Stone and Adella.
S: High opinion of yourself?
Stone laughs at the comment. It's great to hear him laugh. It's great to hear him again. Even if it is just a dream.
St: You know, when you left her at the altar, I was really, really disappointed in you. Then, you punished yourself more than the devil himself could have. I knew you two would make it back. I had faith.
S: I'm sorry I screwed up, but I'm glad I got a second chance.
St: Second chance? Isn't this your fourth? You count your lucky stars, man.
I laughed at him.
S: Thank you, Stone.
St: Don't thank me just don't screw up. I love you, man.
S: I love you, too, man.
He hugged me and I woke up in her arms. My new wife and my new life.
I was dreaming. I had to be dreaming. I heard laughter and started to walk towards it.
St: So, he finally got you to marry him? I hope you made him grovel.
St: Hey, Brenda.
B: What the hell is going on?
St: I just wanted to drop by and say congratulations. You know, on your wedding and the baby.
:sneaky boy. I hope he didn't go and yap his mouth to Sonny.
St: I didn't tell Sonny. I'll let you do that. I just wanted to make sure you were naming that boy after me.
B: Some things don't change, I guess.
St: If they did, you wouldn't be married to Sonny.
B: Actually, if it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't be married to Sonny.
St: Why would you say that?
B: You told him I was alive, didn't you?
St: Well, I didn't tell him, but I gave him a little push.
B: Thank you, Stone.
When I woke up, I was nestled in Sonny's arms. I thought he was still sleeping until I heard him whisper.
S: Thank you, Stone.
I smiled and kissed his chest.
B: Yeah, thank you, Stone.