Sonny had one hand on the mantle, one hand holding his cup of brandy and he was staring into the flames. The fire- it had always reminded him of Brenda… of their love. He half smiled. Their love. Their love was like an all consuming, intense, animalistic inferno. Sometimes, it was so hot for him, he couldn't even breathe.
I wonder what she's doing now in Paris, he thought. Does she think about me? Does she miss me?
His life had taken a turn now. He was divorced from Carly and playing with his lawyers feelings… all because he could and it was fun. But, she would never be anything to him. He was lonely. He had a void in his heart… and there was only one woman that could fill that void.
He sighed wishing…
He thought about that day on the docks right before Brenda's marriage to Jax when they had kissed. He had said that he didn't feel anything, but he was wrong. She had said that she didn't feel anything either. Was she wrong?
A knock on his door disturbed his thoughts. He looked at his watch. Who could that be so late? He opened the door. His eyes got big at the sight before him. And then he smiled.
She was nervous. She wasn't sure that he would be here… or be alone. But when she heard all the problems he was having, she wanted to come to him. She had stayed in Paris for three years, but she never stopped loving him.
“Hi. Is this a bad time? Because if you're not alone, I can always come back later.” Please, please be alone she thought.
“No. Anytime you come is never a bad time. And, yeah, I'm alone.” he smiled. He couldn't believe she was here. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight.
Brenda took in the wonderful scent of this man and closed her eyes at their touch. It never ceases to amaze me… after all these years, he still has the power.
“What are you doing here?” he asked as he took her coat and closed the door.
She walked into his penthouse and stopped halfway to the couch.
“Well, I heard about everything and wanted to see how you were doing.”
“Heard? Sit down. You want a drink?”
She sat. “No, thanks.”
“So,” he said as he sat down next to her. “Who's been keeping you up to date about me?”
She smiled. “Lois, who else?”
“I didn't know you two still talked.”
“Yeah, of course we do. It may not be very often but…”
“Yeah.” he smiled again. She is so beautiful. He knew it wasn't polite to stare, but he couldn't help it.
“Would you stop looking at me like that? “ she shifted on the couch.
“You're making me nervous.”
He laughed. “Brenda, you know you never have to be scared around me.”
She smiled faintly. “I know.” she said softly.
“Damn girl,” he said as he shook his head. “You are…” he sighed, “enough to make a blind man see… such a sight for sore eyes.”
She smiled. “Are your eyes sore, Sonny?”
He laughed. She loved it when he laughed. And then they stared at each other.
“So,” he said seriously. “Come to give me your beautiful shoulder to cry on?”
“Something like that.”
“Well, I'm okay, Brenda.”
“Yeah, I mean, nothing last forever, right?”
“Some things do.” she said softly.
“Yeah, I guess some things do.” he said just as softly looking at her. “Some things,” he continued, “like a raw all consuming, love inferno… like a love that transcends both time and space-it surpasses the earth-nothing can touch it, or even compare to it. A love formed and forged by body, heart, soul… and blood.” He stared into her eyes.
Brenda tried to hide her disappointment. “That's how you feel about Carly?”
He laughed. “Carly? No… that's how I feel about… No, what I feel for Carly,” he sighed and ran his hands through his hair, “she's the mother of my children. I do love her, yes, I will always love her for that. But, our love,” he shook his head, “is regular.”
Brenda smiled. “Regular? What does that mean?” she asked as she faced him, curling one leg under her.
Sonny smiled. “I don't know really. I guess it's not, it's special, don't get me wrong, but it's not special, you know? I can live without Carly.”
“So, it's Alexis?”
“Alexis? Man that Lois does gag doesn't she?”
“She has an art.”
Still smiling he said, “Alexis is the mother of my daughter. I don't love Alexis. Hell, I can't even stand her half of the time. I definitely can live without Alexis.”
Brenda looked down. There wasn't anyone else in his life except for his lawyer. Could she be it?
“Brenda?” he asked softly.
She raised her eyes up to him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I'm fine.”
“So, is there anyone in your life? Anyone special?”
She smiled and looked away for a second. Then she turned her eyes back to his.
“No,” she said. “No one special. There's not even anyone in my life.”
Why not? Because of you, she silently said to herself. And then she noticed that it had begun to rain.
“It's raining.” she said softly.
He looked out his patio door. “Yeah. Do you… do you need a ride? Are you staying at a hotel?”
Brenda looked like she was in another place.
“Brenda?” he asked with concern. “Hey?” He held her hand. “Look at me.”
She slowly looked at him. He could see the pain in her eyes.. Something was wrong. His heart tightened. He never wanted to see her in pain again.
“What…” he was about to ask but was interrupted by the phone ringing. The noise seemed to startle her and she jumped slightly.
“Go ahead.” she said, “It could be important.”
He got off the couch and answered his phone. This had better be good, he thought.
“Yeah? Hey Jason. Right. Make sure Michael goes to bed without any junk food. Uh huh. Yeah, right. Tell him I love him. No, everything is fine here. Yeah, I'll tell you in the morning. Alright.” he hung up the phone. “So,” he turned around but Brenda was gone.” I couldn't have imagined that. I know she was here.” He looked around.
“Brenda?” he yelled. And then he noticed his patio door opened. He walked slowly to the door holding his gun. When he saw her, he breathed a sigh of relief and put away his gun.
“Brenda?” he rushed out to her. “What are you doing in the rain? You'll get sick. Come in.” He said trying to walk them both inside.
“No,” she said resisting. “It's okay.” She arched her head back letting the rain fall on her face. She was soaked, and Sonny was soaked. The rain molded their clothes to their body. As he watched her, he felt like taking her into his arms and making passionate crazy love to her. He ached just thinking about it now.
“The rain never held any fond memories for me, you know?” she looked at him. He watched her intently. “I mean, “she continued., “the day we were going to get married, you left me at the altar… and it was raining. The day I came back from being held captive by Luis… and we were at the church… I thought you were dead… and I held you in my arms, crying.. Crying because… I couldn't believe that you were really dead… it was raining.”
“Hey.” he held her arms, “That's all over now.”
“Except that it isn't, Sonny.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The second I left Port Charles, it's been raining ever since.”
Sonny brought her into him and held her close to him. She looked so vulnerable, so sad, so defeated.
“Brenda,” he pulled away and looked at her, “tell me what's wrong. I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong.”
She laughed…almost hysterically. “You can't fix anything, Sonny.” Tears were running down her face.
“What's going on?” he demanded. He never felt so helpless in his life.” Tell me!”
“If I have to die…”
“What are you? Are you dying? Brenda?” When she didn't respond he shook her lightly. “Damn it, Brenda, talk to me!”
“I lied.” she said softly. “On the docks, when we kissed, I told you that I didn't feel anything. I lied. I did feel something. I always feel something when you kiss me or hold me.. When you touch me. But, I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to break up your family so I lied. I love you, Sonny. I always have and I always will. “She gently touched his cheek. “No one, “ she whispered, “will or can ever make me feel the way you do just by looking at me. No one could ever mean so much to me me the way you do. No one.”
Sonny was shocked. He was about to reply before she went limp in his arms.
“Brenda!” he carried her inside. “I told you you should've come in.” he said as he carried her upstairs.
Brenda stirred slightly in her sleep as Sonny watched. He had just gotten off the phone with Jason and the doctor had just left. The doctor said that Brenda was probably just exhausted and to let her get some rest. He also said that they wouldn't know for sure what was wrong unless they ran some tests. And, that was when Sonny had called Jason and wanted him to find out everything about Brenda while she was in Paris. He knew something was bothering her. He knew something was wrong. Not knowing what was wrong was killing him. He couldn't lose her, not again. He sat on the bed caressing her face. She seemed different. Brenda stirred and opened her eyes.
“A thousand times I'd imagine waking up to see you when I was in Paris… and a thousand times I'd be disappointed.” she said holding his hand.
“I'm here now.”
“Yes, you are.”
He touched he cheek gently. “I mean it, Brenda. I'm here…. Whatever you want, whatever you need, whatever is going on, I'm here. You just tell me and I'll fix it. Just tell me.”
She sighed softly.
“You know, “he said leaning his head down to hers, “I lied, too.”
“The same day you did: on the docks. After we kissed… I felt it.”
“Because I wanted you to have the life that you thought you wanted. I wanted you to be happy. I didn't want to see pain outlining those beautiful eyes of yours. If I couldn't be with you…”
A tear rolled down her cheek.” So, what you are… what are you saying, Sonny?”
“I'm saying, that when I was talking about the love that never ended, the all consuming inferno, the love that was formed and forged through body, heart, soul, and blood…. I was talking about us. You and I, Brenda. You will always be apart of me. Don't forget, your blood runs through my veins.” he said fiercely.
“I forgot.” she said trying to hold back her tears. “I gave you my blood.”
“Not just your blood.” He held her face in his hands, “you gave me everything. Your love, your heart, your body, your soul, your trust. You gave it all and you gave it with such incredible passion, Brenda. Do you think that for one moment I could ever forget? Do you think that I don't lie awake at night sometimes and imagine you with me? Imagine how different my life would be? Don't you know that I'm cold inside without you? Don't you know that I could have the whole world at my feet and it wouldn't mean a thing-nothing-because I would still be lonely without you?”
Brenda couldn't hold back her tears anymore. They flowed freely down her face.
“We have a second chance now. Well, actually,” he smiled, “we have a third chance. They say that three time's a charm. Let our magic work, Brenda.”
She wrapped her arms around him and fiercely hugged him.
“You believe me don't you?” he asked.
She pulled away. “Yes, I believe you.”
“Okay.” He wiped the tears from her face. “I need you to tell me something now.”
“Earlier, when you were standing in the rain, you said something-”
“I said a lot of things.”
He smiled. “That's right, you did say a lot of things. I always thought that you talked too much.”
She laughed…and his smile grew.
“There's that beautiful smile. I had to miss it all over again when you left, but no more.” He looked intensely into her eyes and all she could manage was a nod.” Now, you said out there, if I had to die. What,” he blew out a breath, “what did you mean? Because I have to know, Brenda. I only want to help you. Let me help you. With whatever you need, okay?”
She looked down.
“Hey,” he put a hand under her chin and lifted her face.” I can't let you go.” he said softly.
Brenda sighed. “Sonny, I'm tired. Can I just…rest for now?”
“Sure.” He decided not to push her right now and she did look tired. “Yeah, the doctor said you should rest.”
“What…what else did he say?”
He shook his head.” Nothing else. Why? Is there something else?”
“Can I… can I stay here tonight?”
He smiled and caressed her face. “I'd lock you in here to make sure you did even if you didn't want to.”
She smiled. “Well, at least that part of you hasn't changed.”
“No,” he smiled. “but I am different.”
“I can tell…will you-will you stay with me?”
He drew in a shaky breath. “Not God or the devil himself could tear me away from you tonight.”
She let out a sigh of relief. He smiled at her before he got on the bed and took her into his arms. He leaned against the frame of the bed as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He kissed her on the forehead and ran his hands through her hair.
“Just sleep, Babe. Just sleep. Dream about that castle.”
She squeezed him gently before falling asleep.
Brenda felt so warm. She felt like she was covered with love. She slowly opened her eyes.
“Hi.” Sonny said with a smile.
“Good morning. I'm not dreaming am I?”
“Would it be a good dream if you were?”
“An excellent dream.”
Sonny smiled and did the second thing he had wanted to do since he saw her on his door; he kissed her. She sighed into his mouth as he wrapped his hands in her hair. After he had satisfied his appetite, he pulled away.
“Do you want me to make you some breakfast? I still know how to make eggs your way.”
She smiled. “I'd like that.”
“Well, good. Okay. So, um, you go take a shower, and by the time you're done, breakfast will be ready.” He got off the bed and walked towards the door.
“Yeah?” He turned around. “What is it?”
“I don't…” she looked down shyly.
Sonny laughed. He saw her blush.
“What is this?” he asked with a grin. “Brenda Barrett blushing?” He put his hand over his heart. “Wow. I never thought I'd see the day.”
“Don't make fun of me.”
“But you're so cute.”
“I don't have any clothes. I just rushed right over.”
“Oh… I can see how that can be a problem… especially since I don't, uh, have any woman clothes for you.”
“I can wear something of Carly's”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Only because I'm desperate.”
“Well, Carly took all of her clothes. There's nothing left of her here. There's barely anything left of me here. I moved into a house, Brenda.”
“So what were you doing here last night?”
“I don't know. I guess last night I just wanted to be alone.”
“And then I showed up. I'm sorry.”
“No.” he said sternly as he walked back towards her. “I'm glad you came, Brenda.”
She touched his cheek. “ I love you.”
“I love you.”
They kissed again. Sonny had only meant it to be a light soft kiss because he knew she still had to be extremely tired, but the moment their mouths touched, all the longing and dreaming flowed to the surface and he was lost.
She pulled him down on top of her taking his shirt off. He was so hungry for her and she was so hungry for him.
“Brenda, Brenda. “ he pulled away. “Hey,” he said as she held his head in her hands, “we don't have to do this, you know? We don't have to rush anything. We have our whole lives. You don't need to do this.”
“Oh, baby, there's nothing I need more than to do this. “ she said as she lowered his head to hers and kissed him passionately.
“Are you sure?” he breathed.
“Never been more sure of anything in my life. I need to feel you in me, Sonny. I don't want to settle for a spark when I can light the whole world on fire.”
“Thank God.” he said as he kissed her passionately.
And there in his bedroom, they reaffirmed their love for one another. He loved her with such intensity that she nearly fainted from the passion. He always held her close to him and always kept eye contact with her. He was silently telling her that he thought she was beautiful and he loved her and he would never ever let her go again. Afterwards, they were lying in each other's arms.
“I am so glad we did that.” she said with a satisfied sigh.
“Me, too. I wanted to do that ever since I saw you at the door, but I thought I'd settle for a hello first.”
“Are you feeling better?” he asked.
“I'm feeling like… I'm floating above the world. I'm feeling good.”
“Good. Not too tired or anything?”
“Not too tired or anything.”
“Good. So… does this mean you're staying in Port Charles for good?”
She looked up at him. “That depends.”
“On if you want me to. I came back for you, Sonny.”
He looked deeply into her eyes. “Oh, baby, you know I always want you. And you know I want you to stay.”
“Then I'm staying.”
“So, now that we got all that taken care of, there is still the matter of your clothes to tend to. Tell you what, why don't we, as much as I hate to do this, get out of bed and after breakfast we can go and buy you a new wardrobe. I'll get Jason to take care of all of your things in Paris. What do you say? Of course, that means that until we get you some clothes, you'll have to wear some of mine. I might have some sweats laying around here.”
“You're coming with me, right?”
“Of course…as long as I get to pick out a couple of things for you to wear, I'm game.”
“Not that I wouldn't mind you walking around naked in my house. Hell, I'd be living the American dream if you did, but… I tend to have guests and kids and… that would be too much explaining to do.”
She laughed. “Oh, you are too funny.”
“I'm happy.” He said seriously. “I'm happy because of you. We're going to make this work, Brenda. I'm not ever giving up again.”
“I won't let you.”
He smiled. “Come on.” He said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of bed. “Let's take a shower. The sooner we get going, the sooner we can go back to the house. And, the sooner we get back to the house, the sooner it will be night time and we can do this all over again.”
“I have an idea.” Brenda said as they were in his limo after her shopping spree which she refused to let him pay for.
“Why don't I just live at your penthouse for a little bit until Michael gets to know me better.”
“Because. Because I have enemies, Brenda. I don't want you living there incase anything happens. And, I want you near me. Michael is going to accept you; he likes you already.”
“I don't know, Sonny-”
“Brenda, honey, why would you come back and then not want to be with me?”
“I do want to be with you.”
“Then be with me, Sweetheart. Share my life. What are you worried about? I once told you that what's mine is yours and what's yours is yours. So, come on. I want you to always be with me, Brenda. I want you in my house, sharing my bed. I want to wake up in the morning and see you sleeping beside me. I want to go to sleep at night feeling your arms around me. I want to see you every minute of the day, Babe. I want you to know that you can tell me anything- I mean anything- and I'll still be here right by your side.”
“I know, Sonny, I know.”
They looked intensely at each other before Brenda turned and looked out the window.
Sonny grabbed her hand. “Hey.” She looked at him. “I love you.” he said softly.
She smiled. “You know, I remember a time when you couldn't say those words.”
He laughed.” Yeah…and then I met a little tornado and my whole life changed…for the better.”
“We were so different. We were so young-”
He laughed. “You were young, Hon.”
“I didn't even know the real meaning of love until I met you.”
“That goes both ways, Baby.”
“So… why were you really at the penthouse? “
Now it was his turn to sigh and look away.
“I don't know, Brenda. I was just thinking about you, you know? Sometimes I like- I find myself just wanting to be alone at times. I don't know why. But, I need to be away from everything. I guess…” he sighed and looked at her. “I guess I haven't found my peace yet. And then you came walking through my door and I knew, I knew, “he inhaled a deep breath. “that that would change. And, “he smiled as he took a hold of her hand. “the moment I looked at you, I knew that I had found my peace.”
Brenda smiled faintly. “And you said that you weren't good with words.”
He smiled.” Back then I wasn't, but I think that I'm pretty good at it now.”
“You're very good at it now.” she said with a smile.
“How good?” he asked as he wrapped his arm around her. “ Good enough to make you melt?” he whispered into her ear.
Brenda laughed as she straddled his lap.” Honey, you don't need to say anything to make me melt, all you have to do is look at me and I'm gone.”
“Yeah?” he said staring into her eyes.
“Prove it.” There was a sparkle in his eyes.
She laughed. “My pleasure.”
“No, baby, I think it'll be all mine.”
Brenda sighed as she sank into the tub filled with hot water and tons of bubbles. The night hadn't actually been too bad. Michael was a little reserved, but he was still polite to her. At least they all laughed and talked. And she had also held Morgan. Morgan was a sweet little baby. When she was holding him, she would catch Sonny looking at her with this dreamy look on his face. Finally, she had met Christina. Christina was a little shy, but she warmed up quickly to her. Sonny was still in the middle of a nasty custody suit with Alexis over Christina. Alexis was digging up everything she could about Sonny.
Brenda closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the tub. She missed Sonny. Being in Paris without him had been difficult especially knowing how happy he was with Carly. She then tried to move on, but always she was drawn back to her thoughts about him. And then one day she had called Lois and Lois told her everything. Brenda rushed out to see Sonny, to try to be some support to him. But, there was another reason, a reason she didn't tell Sonny. He had to know, she just couldn't bring herself to say the words.
Sonny watched her from the bathroom door. She was so beautiful and so loving. When she was holding Morgan, Sonny imagined her holding their child. They had all laughed and played together, but there was something still not right with her. She tried to avoid the subject, but he knew her well enough to know something was wrong.
“Are you gonna stand there all day or are you gonna join me?” Brenda asked with her eyes still closed.
He laughed. “How… how did you know I was here?”
She opened her eyes and stared right at him. “I can feel you. My eyes don't need to be opened to feel your power.”
He smiled as he looked down and then back up to her.
“Tonight went well.” she said.
“Yeah.” He walked in and closed the bathroom door locking it as he sat down on the step by the tub. “I thought so. See? My kids like you already. You'll have no problem fitting in here.”
“Your kids are very cute and sweet.”
“Thank you.” He rolled up his sleeves. “You need me to help you wash your back or anything?”
She laughed.” No, I think I can manage. But, if you want to join me…” she raised an eyebrow.
He laughed and drew in a breath. “Oh, Brenda, Brenda. What am I going to do with you?”
“I think you can figure out something .”
“Yeah, I think I can figure out something.” he said as he joined her in the tub.
“Carly, you're being unreasonable!” Sonny shouted as he poured himself a drink downstairs in the living room.
“Am I? I don't think so, Sonny.”
Brenda sat listening on the steps.
“What does she want? Why is she back?” Carly continued .
“Why does that matter to you? We're divorced. It shouldn't matter to you.”
“Because my kids are here!”
Sonny laughed. “Brenda's not dangerous, Carly.”
“I don't want her around my kids.”
“They're my kids, too! And- and you don't get to decide who I can and can't be with!”
“I will fight you!”
“Aagh!” Sonny ran his hands through his hair. “For what? Just because you don't like who I'm seeing? Carly, your case would get thrown out faster than junk food at my house. Besides that, aren't - aren't you the one that's dating Lorenzo Alcazar? He's hardly an outstanding citizen.”
“NO! You know what, I'm through having this conversation with you. Brenda's in my life now-”
“Yeah? And how long will she stay this time, Sonny? Huh?”
He shook his head. “That doesn't concern you.”
Carly sighed knowing it was useless to talk to Sonny about anything having to do with Brenda. “You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right. You're a good father…I just want to make sure you stay that way.”
“Brenda's not going to bring me down.”
“Let's just hope she doesn't' have any wires.” Carly said right before she left.
Brenda was about to go downstairs when Jason came through the door and into the living room.
“Hey,” Jason said.” I saw Carly rush out of here. What happened?”
“Nothing. She was just, you know Carly. She's always been jealous of Brenda.”
“Is everything okay then?”
“Yeah. We're fine. What, uh, what did you find out?”
“Here's the file on Brenda from Paris.”
“Did you look in it?”
Jason shook his head. “No. Where is she?”
“She's upstairs sleeping. She, uh, had a long night.” Sonny said with a smile.
“I can imagine. So, how does it feel having her back?”
Sonny smiled. “Jason, it feels better than great. I feel so much more alive now that she's here. And, I feel at peace at the same time. For the first time in my life, I don't have to worry about anything because I know that whatever happens, I'll be okay as long as Brenda is there by my side. She makes me feel so warm inside Jason. And, you know, I got to tell you, something that I'll never tell her, but, when I tell her I love her, I'm not really telling her the truth.”
Brenda was shocked. She felt her heart sink to the floor.
“What? You don't' love her?” Jason asked confused.
“No…because it's more than love I feel for her.' he sighed. “She has so much power over me, Jason, and she doesn't even know it. I don't fully understand how much power she has over me, but…when she looks at me with those eyes, those eyes that have haunted me for over a decade…all I know is that I would do anything for her.” he sighed again.
Brenda chose that moment to come downstairs.
“Hi. Oh, hi Jason.” she said with a big smile.
“Hey, how you doing, Brenda?” he asked.
“I'm okay.” She went up to Sonny and kissed him on the cheek. “Hi.”
“Hey babe.” Sonny gave her a hug.
“So, listen, how about tonight we go over to a karaoke bar? I feel like singing.”
Jason and Sonny both laughed.
“Honey,“ Sonny said, “uh, that's not my scene.”
“Well…you can come along while I go then.”
“Uh..” Sonny rubbed his neck and Jason laughed. “Tell you what, why don't we go to the restaurant I took you to that one night when Mac wouldn't serve us and you can sing there? That's more my style.”
“Are you serious?” Brenda and Jason both asked.
“Yeah, why not? As long as I don't have to sing, then I'm good.”
“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She hugged him. Sonny just sighed. “Okay.” She pulled away. “I have to go visit the Q's and then I'll be right back.”
“You, uh, want to take the limo?”
“No, I'll take a cab.”
“No, take the limo.” Sonny said. “Tomorrow we'll go out and buy you another red convertible.”
She laughed. ”Okay.” She kissed him. “See you tonight.” Brenda walked towards the door. “Bye Jason.”
As soon as she left, Jason laughed again.
“What are you laughing at? You're going to, you know.” Sonny said as he walked out of the room leaving the file on the desk.
Later that night, Brenda walked downstairs wearing a low cut, spaghetti-strapped, short, red dress.
“Wow.” Sonny said. “Wow, wow, wow.”
“So, I meet your approval?”
“Baby… let's go upstairs.” he said as he began kissing her neck.
She laughed.” No, Sonny.” she pulled away and put her coat on. “You promised.”
He sighed and shook his head. “Alright, the sooner we get to the club, the sooner I can take you home.”
“Jason's not coming?”
“He'll be there, but he's not riding with us. We'll be alone…incase you had some jitters you wanted me to help you with.”
Brenda laughed as they walked out the door.
At the restaurant, Sonny and Brenda enjoyed a quiet dinner with Jason. They talked about what all has been happening with them and Port Charles since she left. Jason told her that he was married to a girl named Sam and that Courtney was married to Jax.
“That doesn't upset you, does it?” Sonny asked.
“No, why? Jax is a good guy. I want him to be happy. Does it upset you?”
Sonny sighed. “It's no secret that I don't like him, but… I guess you can't choose who you fall in love with.”
“Mr.Corinthos,” a waiter came up to them. “if your lady friend would like to sing now, everything has been prepared.”
Sonny smiled. “Thank you.”
The waiter bowed and left.
“I can't believe you're actually doing this.” Jason said.
“I've changed, Jason.”
“I can see that.” Jason said.
“No, you've always been crazy, Brenda… you never cease to amaze me, that's why I love you so much and why we are always so exciting.” Sonny said.
The waiter announced Brenda. She drew out a slow breath.
“You ready?” Sonny asked with a smile.
“I am.” she said as she got up and went towards the microphone. She began to sing “Crazy” by Patsy Kline. And Sonny just watched her with a smile. When the song was over, everyone applauded and wanted an encore. Sonny, looking at her, nodded as he clapped and she sang another song. This time, she sang “A Love So Beautiful.” by Michael Bolton. During her song, Sonny whispered something to Jason and Jason handed him something that he put inside the pocket of his pants before he left.
When she was through with the song, she came back to the table and Sonny held out her chair for her.
“Thank you.” She said smiling.
“Hey, that's the least that I could do for a beautiful lady that sang to me.”
Brenda laughed. “It was fun.”
“I bet. So…are you ready to go home now or do you want to continue to sing your heart out?”
She smiled. “I'd like to go home now.”
Brenda sighed as she sat down on the bed removing her shoes.
“How are they?” she asked Sonny as he came in, closed and locked the door.
“They're sleeping soundly.”
“Good. I can't wait to join them.”
He was surprised. “You tired already?” He took off his jacket and hung it up in the closet.
“A little, yeah.”
“No, don't get up. I want to ask you something.”
He leaned down in front of her and took a hold of her hand. “I can't believe you actually sang in front of a crowd for me.”
She smiled. “Yeah, well, you know me, I do crazy things sometimes.”
He laughed.” Yes, you do.”
“There's always a first time for everything.”
He looked deeply into her eyes.” You're right. You're absolutely right. So…continuing with that theme-” he suddenly looked outside.
“What?” Brenda turned to his balcony door. ”Do you see something?”
“Okay. Do you see something in the rain?”
“No, not yet.”
He looked at her mischievously. “Come on.” he grabbed her hand.
“”Where are we going?”
“Outside.” They walked towards the balcony.
“But it's raining!” Brenda squealed.
“As I recall, you always enjoyed getting wet.” He opened up the door.
“Sonny!” she shrieked as they walked out into the rain. “It's cold out here!”
He laughed as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against his body.
“At least you're not shaking because you're nervous.” he said as he arched his head back, letting the rain soak him.
“Okay. Can we go inside now?”
“No.” He pulled away and looked at her. The rain had soaked her dress to her body and made her skin shine like pearls.
“This is not how I was going to do this.” he said underneath his breath.
He sighed. “Brenda, I, uh, I remembered how,” he smiled. “you are beautiful, you know that? Inside and out, and no one will ever get that as much as I do.” he sighed again. “ You are such an extraordinary woman. I knew the moment I saw you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But then, my life actually got in the way of everything.” He touched her face.
“Yeah, we've discussed this, Sonny. We can talk about it again if you want…inside.” She started to go inside, but he grabbed her arm.
“No, no, baby. It's gotta be out here.” he pulled her to him. “I love you, you know that, right?”
“So,” he smiled, “like I was saying before…I knew the minute I saw you, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But, you know,“ he shrugged,” My life got in the way and you…” he smiled, “you lived your life away from me. There were,” he looked down briefly and then back up at her,” times where we could have just said, to hell with it all and let's be together, you and me. And, you know, we should've Brenda. We should've done just that. But we didn't. We let,” he let out a slow breath, “things get in our way. I got married to Lily and then Carly and you…you were thought to be dead. I mourned you, Brenda. I cried for you. I lost my mind when you-when I thought you were dead. I was in- I was in a dark place…and I didn't want to get out because I…I promised you that I would keep you safe. But I didn't. And that killed me, Brenda. It ate at me chunk by chunk until I had nothing left.”
Brenda was heartbroken over his soulful confession. “Hey.” she touched his face,” It's okay, it's over now.”
“If you give me another chance, I swear to you, on my life, that I will keep you safe.”
“I know you will, Sonny. I know it.”
“You know I,” he took her hand, looked at it before looking back up into her yes, “I always loved your eyes…and your hair. Everything about you amazes me and I'm still so much in awe of you…still after all these years.” he touched her cheek.” I remembered how you said the rain always held bad memories for you…and,“ he smiled, “you know me, I try to fix everything.”
Brenda laughed. “Yes, you do.”
“It's raining now, Brenda.”
“Yes, it is.”
“I,” he sighed and got down on his knees still holding her hand. He smiled at her. “I always wanted you to be the first Mrs. Sonny Corinthos…and even though you weren't legally, you were always the first in my heart. Remember the - the toast that I made to you on your 21st birthday? Remember how I said that I, uh, was going to repay you for everything you did?” He smiled.” And how I hoped that it would take the rest of my life? That's still true, Brenda. You were the first…” he looked down and smiled, then looked back up, “and I wanted you to be the last. I know, that with you-with you in my life, by my side, I can get through all my demons. I love you so much. You're my peace, baby…so…” he took a ring out of his pocket. “Will you-” he smiled. “Will you be my wife? Will you marry me?”
Brenda covered her mouth as her tears fell.
“Oh, Sonny.” she breathed.
Sonny was beginning to get a little nervous when she didn't answer for a couple of seconds.
“Uh, Brenda, the way I see it, you have three choices. There's yes, yes, and yes.” He smiled up at her. “Come on, I know I deserve this, but…you know, don't leave me in the rain, Sweetheart.”
Brenda closed her eyes and the tears fell even more. She had to tell him. He deserved to know but she didn't want it to be like this…not after everything they've been through. She opened her eyes.
“Yes, I will marry you…. I'll be your wife.”
Sonny slipped the ring on her finger then stood up and held her face in between his hands before he kissed her passionately on the lips.
“I swear to you, I'll make you happy.” he whispered.
She smiled.” You already have,” she whispered back. “You gave me a happy memory in the rain. And, I love you for that.”
“Come on. Let's go inside and get warmed up.”
They took a hot shower together and made love. After they were finished, Sonny put on his robe as Brenda looked out the balcony door having her robe already on.
“What's wrong, Babe?”
She leaned back against him and closed her eyes knowing that dreams do come true…but sometimes, they come a little late. He had to know. She couldn't wait to tell him anymore. She turned around. Sonny saw the look on her face.
“What is it?”
“I want you to listen to me and then you can decide if you still want to marry me.”
“Brenda, there's nothing-”
“Shh.” She put a finger against his lips. “You need to sit down.”
He looked confused, but sat down on the bed and she sat next to him taking a deep breath.
“About a year ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.”
“The doctor said that if I had caught it sooner, they could've operated and fixed everything, but…it was too late. I started having symptoms a year after I came back to Paris. I waited and waited…but finally…”
“How…what can I do?”
She began to tear up. “Nothing- it's too late, Sonny. When I went for my visit, the doctor said that it was going to spread soon. I'm dying, Sonny…and he said that I probably wouldn't last another year.”
Sonny couldn't breathe. He got up and poured a drink.
“Why didn't you tell me sooner?” He faced her.
“Because I didn't want to believe it. I thought that if I didn't say it, or tell anyone, then I would be safe. I'm scared, Sonny.”
“You should've told me, Brenda. The moment you knew, you should've told me.”
“And then what? As far as I knew, you were still with Carly. What would you have done, Sonny? Would you have left her to take care of me? Would you have left your whole life to be with me? A dying woman who didn't even know how long she was going to live?”
“Yes!” he shouted. “You wanna know why?” he walked up to her and held her by the arms. “Because it was you!” he whispered fiercely. “Because I would do anything I could for you, Brenda.” he leaned down so they could be on eye level and held her face between his hands. “Don't you see? It doesn't matter what else is going on in my life. I would put everything-everything- I had on hold for you.”
“I didn't want to ruin your life.” she cried.
“Oh, baby.” he sighed as he hugged her tight. “you could never ruin my life. I'm sorry, Sweetheart. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve this.” he whispered again as he held her.” But you know what?” he pulled away and looked at her.” You're not going to get out of marrying me like that. I'm still going to marry you.”
“I don't want you to feel obligated.”
“I don't. I meant every word I said out there on that balcony-in the rain, might I add. I'm not marrying you out of pity, I'm marrying you because I can and I want to. And, I want to be happy. You make me happy. Brenda.”
“Are you sure?”
“Sweetheart, I've never been more sure about anything . This is right. And, I don't care how long…because I'm going-we're going to live like everyday… we are going to set the whole world on fire, Brenda. We are going to show everyone-everybody-what the true meaning of love is. You and me, Brenda. You and me.”
“I love you.” she whispered.
“I love you.” He said before he kissed her and then he let out a small laugh.
“Nothing. I just never remember using so many endearments with anyone else in my life.”
She let out a small laugh, but then she turned serious. “Are you ready Sonny?”
“Baby, I'm always ready for you.”
“I'm serious. There will be days whenever I'll be really tired and sick…and when the cancer spreads-”
“We'll handle it. Whatever comes up, we'll deal with and through it together, Brenda. I'm not leaving you for even a second, got that? I love you, baby. I always have and I always will. Nothing- nothing- can separate us…not life, not death.” He pulled her to him and wrapped her in his arms. ”Now, let's go to bed.” He said right before he kissed her passionately and they made love.
Afterwards, Brenda lay sleeping with her head on his chest and one arm around his waist. But, Sonny, there would be no sleep for Sonny tonight. He couldn't believe that she was dying. He had finally gotten what he needed, and now, she was leaving him…she was dying. He didn't know if he would be strong enough to see her in pain. He didn't know if he could look into her eyes and tell her that everything would be okay, when they both knew it wouldn't be. He watched her sleep.
“Oh, God, Brenda.” he stroked her hair. “if I could trade places with you, I'd do it in a heartbeat.” He wrapped his arms around her tightly as his tears began to fall.
Sonny was downstairs sitting on his couch whenever Jason came in.
“Sonny? What's wrong?”
Sonny sighed and took a drink from the bottle of whiskey.
“She's dying, Jason.”
“You read the folder?”
“I didn't have to. She told me herself last night after I asked her to marry me. She wanted me to know what I was getting myself into. The most beautiful, loving, caring, woman in the world is dying and,” he got up. “and there's not a damn thing in this world that I can do!” he threw the bottle against the fireplace. “I can't even hold her hand and tell her that everything's going to be okay because we both know that it's not!”
“Sonny, why don't you go and get a second opinion? The doctors in Paris could be wrong. You always need to get a second opinion with something this major.”
“She has breast cancer.”
Jason was stunned. “Wait. Monica had breast cancer. Maybe-”
“No, she just wants to,” he sighed, “she just wants to live, Jason. She doesn't want to know anything else. All she needed to know is that she's dying and that's enough. I don't want to put anymore added pressure onto her especially if…. Especially if…” he couldn't get the words out.
“Sonny, I'm sorry.”
Sonny walked over to the window. “I tell you what, Jason, I don't know- I don't know if I'm strong enough to watch her die.” He shook his head.” I don't know if I can watch her die…because.. it'll be watching myself die. I can't see the light leave her eyes. I don't know if I can do this, but I have to.” he sighed heavily. “She's scared. And she needs me to be strong. So I have to be strong. After everything that I've put her through, this is the least I could do for her. I just wish…I just wish that I could fix everything.”
“But you can't.” Brenda said from the doorway.
Jason and Sonny turned to her in surprise.
“I heard the glass break.”
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.”
“That's okay. I don't want to sleep my life away.”
“Brenda,” Jason walked up to her and hugged her. “You can get a second opinion. You can fight this.”
“Thanks Jason, but I'd rather not spend what's left of my life fighting a fight that I can't win.”
“How do you know that?” Jason asked fiercely. “You don't know that! The stronger Brenda I knew wouldn't give up so easily! You can still beat this, Brenda! Don't you want to have a life with Sonny?”
“Jason-” Sonny began.
“Of course I do! That's all I've ever wanted! But I don't want that-”
“Then fight! Fight like hell to keep what you have, Brenda! Don't give up so easily! Not when everything you have ever wanted is finally at your feet! Don't let this beat you. You beat it!”
Brenda looked at Sonny.
“I gotta agree with Jason, Brenda. Fight this. You need to fight this. Don't go quietly into the night, Baby. But,” he ran his hand through this hair, “If you have to go, you make sure you go out with a bang. You make sure” he walked up to her and held her arms, “that nothing you do is in vain. I'll stand beside you every step of the way, Brenda. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how tough it is. I'll be by your side.”
She touched his cheek. “Okay, let's fight this.”
He kissed her. “But this doesn't mean that you can get out of planning the wedding so don't even think about it.”
She smiled. “Never.”
They hugged each other. “I'll always be with you, Baby.”
During the next couple of months, Brenda and Sonny planned their wedding in between going to the hospital and finding out everything they could about breast cancer. They received a second opinion, but the news had not changed. Brenda was still dying, but they really didn't know how long she had left. The doctor wanted Brenda to start chemotherapy saying that she could live a little longer, but she declined. In private, she told Sonny that she didn't want to start losing her hair and that she always wanted to look beautiful to him. He had hugged her and told her that no matter what, she would always look beautiful to him. But that didn't change her mind.
Four months later, they were getting ready for their ceremony. Sonny was looking at himself in the mirror when his cell phone rang.
“Do you want me to get that?” Jason asked as he stood behind him.
“No, I'll get it.”
Jason handed him the phone.
He smiled. “So, uh, you can't see the groom before the ceremony so you decide to call?”
“I just, uhm, wanted to make sure that you weren't having second thoughts about this.”
“Not a chance in hell. This time, it's forever.”
He could tell that she was a little sad because they both knew that her forever wouldn't equal to his forever.
“You know,” he said trying to cheer her up, “I missed you last night.”
“I tossed and turned without you.”
“See? We should've just ignored tradition. I knew I should've climbed up that balcony window at the Q's house or at least cause some type of diversion so I could kidnap you.”
Brenda laughed. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
They hung up the phone and Sonny sighed.
“Second thoughts?” Jason asked.
“No.” He laughed. “I'm actually nervous, like I've never done this before…. You know, with Lily and Carly, I wasn't nervous… and I married Carly three times… but with Brenda,” he let out a breath. “I'm nervous. I know I love her, I know I want to be her husband. But, I'm still nervous.” he shrugged his shoulders. “Then again, maybe it's not nervousness that I'm feeling, but excitement… excitement because I know that I've found my one true love, my soul mate for eternity.”
Jason smiled. “Then you're ready?”
Sonny smiled. “I'm ready.”
Sonny caught his breath as Brenda walked down the aisle towards him. He smiled and winked at her as they kept their eyes locked on one another. He took her hand and kissed it before they turned towards the priest.
They had decided to write their own vows and Sonny went first. He turned to her and smiled, let out a small breath, and smiled again.
“You know, I've been dreaming about this day ever since I first saw you. You were like a tornado in my life and I swear, my heart has never stopped more than when I was with you. But, I loved it. I loved everything about you. You were the light at the end of the tunnel. You gave so much to me, Brenda, and I'll never be able to repay you for that, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying. I thought that I was nervous today, but, you know, I was wrong. I wasn't nervous but excited. I'm excited because I get the honor of spending my life loving you, of being your husband. You have always been the one for me… everything else in between… was like filler. You are the core of my existence. You're my peace, my breath, my life…and I love you. You were the first, and you'll be the last.”
And then it was Brenda's turn. After wiping a tear from her eye, she began.
“I never knew what love was until I met you. You were so passionate that it took my breath away… and I've never experienced anything like that before so I was scared. I was scared of the fire within you, afraid of getting burned. But, the more I knew you, the less afraid I began to be. And I wanted to burn with you. You gave me everything but didn't want anything from me except for my love… and I was so young, Sonny. I didn't understand it then, but I understand it now. All I've ever wanted was to be by your side.. And now my wish has come true. I'm a better person for having known you, and now I'll be an even greater person by your side. I was born with you, and now I'll die with you. But I'm not afraid because I have you and your love and that's all I will ever need. I love you.”
And then they were married.
Brenda and Sonny lived everyday like it was her last. He took her to places that she only dreamed of going to. Every night he loved her with intense passion making sure that if she died in the night, she would die happy. But, that's not to say that they didn't still have disagreements because they did. They were both two very strong individuals, however, they never went to bed angry.
When her cancer spread, Brenda refused to stay in the hospital not wanting her last memories to be in a white painted room. So, Sonny took her to the island that he had bought for her as a wedding present. He called it Brenda's Aisle. They stayed on that island making love every chance they got and making happy memories for her to take away. Only at night, when she was sleeping soundly in his arms, would Sonny break down and cry.
Then one day, they were watching the sunset and she was telling him how much she loved him and how she would always be watching over him. In his arms, she said, she felt safe… the one thing that he wasn't sure he could ever make her feel. And he cried. He finally cried. She just held him and told him that he was going to be okay and that everything would be okay and that she would always love him.
Family and friend visited her on the island to say their goodbyes when she knew death was knocking on her door. She had made Jason promise to look after Sonny while she was gone no matter what happened or what he said.
That same night, Sonny and Brenda danced to “One Year of Love” by Queen. He was holding her tight in his arms and she was repeating the words to him. She would look at him in the eyes and sing, “Just one year of love is better than a lifetime alone. One sentimental moment in your arms is like a shooting star right through my heart. It's always a rainy day without you. I'm a prisoner of love inside you- I'm falling apart all around you. My heart cries out to your heart. I'm lonely but you can save me. My hand reaches out for your hand. I'm cold but you light the fire in me.”
And he would just smile and watch her with love in his eyes because he knew that he had made her happy. And then they danced to “The Nearness of You.” Brenda smiled as they danced remembering the first time they danced to this song. He whispered that this was their song and that he played it every now and then when she was gone just so he could get the feeling that he felt when they first danced to this song….a feeling that no one had been able to give to him.
And then they put in a Queen CD that Brenda had begged to listen to and they made love. Afterwards, she watched him sleep, mesmerized by that beautiful angelic face. She would miss his face, she thought as her tears began to fall. She didn't want to die.
“Hey,” Sonny opened his eyes. “Babe, don't cry.”
“I'm sorry.” she wiped the tears away. “Did I wake you?”
“No.” he lied. He had been asleep, but then he felt like he had just gotten shot and that jerked him back into reality where he opened his eyes to find Brenda crying. He knew that the pain she was feeling was what made him wake up. “What's wrong, Brenda? Is the CD stuck again?”
She laughed. She loved how he could make her laugh now. “No.”
“Oh, yeah it is. It's on that one song again. Let me fix it.” He got off the bed and fixed the CD player. He then came back to her and sat down beside her on the bed.
“What's wrong, Sweetheart?” he asked.
“I don't… I don't want to die, Sonny.”
He touched her face and brought his head down to hers.
“I don't want you to die, either.” he whispered.
“Then why do I have to?”
Sonny couldn't answer her. He just wrapped his arms around her and leaned back against the frame of the bed holding her tight against his body, stroking her hair.
“Maybe… maybe God's calling all his angels back to Heaven.” he said softly as his tears fell. And, because he was crying, Brenda began to cry again. They both cried till they were exhausted.
“Go to sleep, Angel. I'm right here.” Sonny said. “Just dream about that castle, Princess.”
Brenda sighed. “Our castle in the sky?” she asked softly.
“Yeah, don't tell me you forgot about it?”
“No.” she smiled. “Never… you know, I used to think that I might want to live forever.”
He let out a small laugh. “Who wants to live forever, Brenda?”
“Now that I have you, I do… now that I can't-”
“You'll always live forever, Brenda. You'll always live forever in me… because you're a part of me, Baby.”
“This Queen song had it right: forever is our today.”
“And our night.” Sonny said right before he brought his face down to hers and kissed her passionately on the lips. She wrapped her arms around him and drew him closer into her body as he lay them back down on the bed, making love to her once again.
“I love you.” she whispered after they were done.
“I love you.” he whispered softly back to her before they closed their eyes and went to sleep.
In the middle of the night, Sonny bolted up in bed feeling as if someone was pulling his heart out from his body. He looked over at Brenda who was still sleeping.
“That damn CD is stuck again. Brenda?” he looked at her closely. “Brenda?!” He shook her lightly but she didn't move. “Brenda! NO! NO! NO!”
But, no one was listening. The only sound he could hear was the sound of his heart breaking into a million shattering pieces and the words that were playing on the CD: forever is our today.
“Sonny!” Jason yelled. “Sonny!”
Sonny opened his eyes. He was in his bed back at his house. He sat up and put his hand over his heart. He looked around the room, but nothing of Brenda's was there. How did he get back here so quickly?
“Thank God you're okay.” Jason said as he handed him some water and sat on the bed.
“How did I get back here?” Sonny asked after taking a drink.
“I carried you upstairs. Do you remember anything?”
“Yeah, I remember Brenda dying in my arms.”
Jason looked confused and a little worried.
“Uh, Sonny, you were in a car crash. You totaled that green Jag that you bought a long time ago. The doctor said you were lucky to be alive. I don't even know what you were doing driving that thing anyway. You usually take the limo everywhere you want to go.”
“What?” Sonny asked in disbelief.
Sonny smiled. “Hi.”
Brenda smiled big. “Hi.” she said as she hugged him. “What are you doing in Paris?”
“Well, I wanted to send you some flowers.” He handed her a dozen white roses and a dozen red roses from behind his back.
“You just couldn't call someone? Don't tell me your connections don't reach as far as Paris?” she teased as she took the flowers. “They're lovely. Thank you.”
“Come in. Make yourself at home.” she said as she opened the door for him.
“Is that Jason out in the car with you?” Brenda asked before closing the door.
“Yeah, I told him to give me a few minutes.”
“Oh. Well, I'm going to put these in water. Can I get you anything to drink?” she asked as she went inside the kitchen.
“No.” he said. “I'm already buzzed enough.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” he said a little louder.
She sighed as she came out of the kitchen. He was sitting on her couch looking at her. He had taken his coat off and put it over one end of the couch.
“Nice place.” he said. “I mean, from what I can tell. I like the layout. I'm really interested on how the bedroom looks. Maybe you could show me?”
She laughed as she joined him on the couch wrapping one leg under her. Sonny smiled.
“What?” she asked.
“Nothing. I just remember you doing that before…”
“So, why are you here? Is something wrong?”
“Nope. Like I said, I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you, and, uh, oh hell. I'm not good at this beating around the bush thing. You know me, when I have something to say, I say it.”
She smiled. “Right… like when you want something-”
“Yep, I take what I want, when I want…. And right now, I want-” he said right before he pulled her to him and kissed her passionately on the lips.
“Sonny-” she said after they pulled away.
“Shh.” He put one finger against her lips. “Just listen to me.” He held her face in his hands and stared deeply into her eyes. “I love you. And, I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. I want to spend the rest of my life by your side and I want you to spend the rest of your life by my side.”
Brenda was shocked.
“How do you know that I'm not seeing someone?”
“Are you?” but he didn't need to ask. He knew what the answer would be.
“No, but, that doesn't mean-”
“Then be with me….because there's no me without you, Babe. My life doesn't have any meaning anymore because you're not in it. Without you, I'm just existing. I want to live, Brenda. And the only way I can do that is if you're by my side. I'm so cold, Baby. I'm so cold without you. Your love is the only thing that can heat up my body.”
Brenda smiled. “Oh, God,” she said as she hugged him tightly. “I love you. I love you, too.” Then she pulled away and kissed him passionately on the lips.
When they pulled apart, they both smiled at each other.
“It'll be different this time, Baby.” Sonny said. “I promise.”
She let out a small laugh. “Not that I'm complaining, but… what brought all this on?”
Sonny smiled. “Let me tell you a story….”